My Plate is Only This Big

We all have different limitations and capabilities, right? As wise women, we need to be able to correctly evaluate how much we can handle on our plates. Without comparing ourselves to someone else.

I feel like the Lord made my plate small to medium size. I can only handle so much and do it well. My first responsibility is to be an excellent wife and then a diligent mom. Those jobs alone take up most of me. But I also like serving in ministry.

How do I achieve the perfect balance? Is it really possible or just a mystical illusion to shoot for? I can’t imagine what moms go through who also work full time. How do you have two full time jobs and still be happy, healthy and whole? Glad I don’t have to figure that one out.

When someone asks me to add something to my plate by joining, serving or giving somewhere, I have to stop and think about it for awhile. Do I have the time and energy? Can I still keep my house in order? Can I maintain my happy disposition in being a wife and mom first?

Now sometimes, adding something can actually benefit us. It can give us an outlet, give us motivation, give us something to focus on besides just ourselves.

But sometimes, it can worsen our situation. It can make us more tired or cranky and short with our families. It can affect the ebb and flow in our households to be out of whack causing chaos, discord and dissention. If mama ain’t happy, than nobody’s happy. Oh so true it is.

Some of my friends have a large to extra large plate. They work outside of the home, they do several volunteer ministries, they are a great mom and wife, and they still find time to look good and have fun. They do it all with style and class. This is not me, not whatsoever. Not happening, no way.

And I am ok with that. Part of it is my personality that likes everything done in an orderly fashion. Part of it is how I was born, the physical make-up of my body cannot take a lot of stress. Part of it is how my household and marriage functions and operates.

If I am feeling like my plate is getting too heavy and things are starting to pile up and fall of the plate completely, than it is time to re-evaluate what I have put on my plate.

I just have to tell people, my plate is only this big.

Don't Compare

We all do it. We compare ourselves, our kids, our husbands, our bank accounts, our houses, our trips, our cars, our clothes, our hair, our everything!

Which is really ridiculous if you stop to think about it. We are created equal but we are not all the same. Our husbands are different, their jobs are different, our kids are all different, our households run differently. Can I get an Amen?

Even in the church, we compare who is more godly than each other. Who goes to bible study more, who prays more, who serves more. I am sure the Lord loves that one. Come on peoples, the Bible gives us a clear outline as to how the family is suppose to operate but within those guidelines, there is much room for uniqueness. We don’t all have to live like the Dugger’s family to be a godly family. Hallelujah , anyone? ( I do have great respect for them though.)

Let me tell you what. These two simple little words freed me up completely. One of my mentor’s mantra’s is, “Don’t Compare.” When I stopped comparing, I became so much more content and happy with my lot in life. Not saying I have conquered the monster completely.

Now part of this is, we need to make sure to surround ourselves with friends who are not going to bait us with jealousy but encourage us to be everything God wants us to be. What if we met with our group or posse and just decided we were all going to keep each other accountable in not comparing our lives. And if we have friendships that don’t allow this freedom, maybe we should think about pulling back from those who do not celebrate our differences with us.

When I stopped comparing things like how many times my husband has brought me home flowers, how many times we talk on the phone a day and how many ministries we serve in together, everything in our marriage got better.

I am still working on trying not to compare myself to other moms. Well, she is a better mom because she homeschools her 3 year old and does art projects every day. Or she cooks a gourmet organic meal every night and her house is spotless. Or she always has something fun planned and doesn’t allow any TV in their house. Or she makes such cool things for her kids and doesn’t ever seem to be stressed. There is always something to work on. But if I mother out of my natural God given abilities, everyone in our household is more at peace because I am just being me and not trying to be someone else.

And if we aren’t busy comparing ourselves to others, we can teach our kids not to compare themselves which will help them greatly in this world.

Two simple words, “Don’t Compare!” It will change our lives.

Learn and Grow

People often ask me if I miss being the leader of the moms group at our church. There are aspects I do miss. I miss the interaction with other moms on a consistent basis. I miss feeling like I am part of a team. I miss feeling like I am doing something for God.  To be real transparent, I miss feeling important and I miss being on the inside of all the happenings at church.

But a lot of good things happened when I stepped down. I had to quickly find my identity again in Christ, not in a position or title. I got a taste of what it felt like to be on the outside. I had to reach out to create new friendships.  All of the sudden, I had time to think about what other’s might need around me. I had to learn how to use my gifting’s in other capacities.

There are a lot of things I do not miss. I don’t miss lying awake at night thinking about all I had to do the next day and hoping I didn’t forget anything. I don’t miss my every waking hour being consumed with trying to get my to- do list done. I don’t miss the last minute headaches that go on behind the scenes. I don’t miss dealing with all the red tape. I don’t miss the challenge of working with so many different personalities and I don’t miss the difficulty of time demands it put on me and my family.

Though, I wouldn’t change any of it. I loved it. I learned a lot. I grew a ton. I learned about God’s grace for others and for me. I grew in my ability to handle stressful situations. My faith in the Lord grew, my dependency on Him grew. I prayed and fasted all the time. God always came through. Women were touched, moms didn’t feel alone anymore, friendship’s were formed. It was a success.

However, I did leave with regrets. I regret being too task driven instead of people driven, I regret being nice but distant, I regret being too filled up in my own life to allow enough space for anyone else in, I regret if I made anyone feel like they were on the outside looking in. Please forgive me if that is you as a reader of this blog.

When I stopped being the leader, somehow I became a normal person again. People felt like I was approachable. I get to have real conversations. I have time to ask about people’s personal lives and get to know them on a deeper level. I like that.

Hats off to the new leaders, I understand completely.  Hats off to any leaders in a ministry or non-profit organization anywhere. It is a sacrifice that has great costs.

No, I don’t miss being the Leader of Mops anymore but I know I cannot run away from the calling God has on my life. I will be in leadership again one day, in one way or another. There is no escaping it.

 And I will learn and grow all the more.

I Think I Hate Facebook

I have had mixed feelings about Facebook for a long time now. In fact, I had deleted my account for almost two years but recently reinstated it. I wanted to connect with some friends and family that I don’t see much.

Most of us use Facebook to show off the best of us and the best of our lives. A friend of mine rightly coined it as “the Facebook life”. For the most part, we don’t post our struggles, trials and tribulations. We post our joys, trips, and fun stuff.

Here is one of the problems with that; I post that I got to go somewhere fun with a few friends of mine. Someone reads it and gets hurt feelings that they were not invited. Someone else reads it and thinks, ‘I wish I could afford to do that’.

Someone posted that they got to go on a week- long vacation with their husband. I might get jealous because the only time that has ever happened for us is our honeymoon. Someone else reads it and thinks, ‘I wish my husband would just take me on a date’!

Why can’t we just be happy for others who get new purses, new shoes, new cars or new houses? Why do I get sad if I see past best friends who have moved away having fun with new friends?

Then there are the people who post every 5 minutes what they are doing to give us a play by play of their lives. Really?? You have time for that? How many hours a day are wasted on this anyways?

I realize some people use Facebook appropriately. They have real live friends that they do life with and just use Facebook as an added fun bonus to their social network. Or they use it to keep in touch with friends around the world! Employers and teachers can use it to find out someone's likes or dislikes and whereabouts so watch out!

I am sure there are other positive aspects to Facebook that I am missing here.But here lies a real problem; we roam each other’s pages without even making comments. We can see what is going on in someone’s “Facebook life” without ever communicating at all.

We say it is a tool to stay connected with lots of people. Ya, I guess. In our non- real lives that we post like a “brag book” as another friend calls it. If I really want to catch up with a friend, why don’t I just pick up the phone and have a conversation? Because I am too damn busy!

What do we prefer best, is it that we like people being jealous of the picture perfect version of our lives or is that we only want to know the surface level of what is going on in other’s lives?

We have a school bus stop by our house and you will see 5 or 6 middle school students all standing in a row texting on their phones instead of talking. Who knows, maybe they are texting or Facebooking the person 2 people down from them!

We have replaced a real person for a keyboard to say we have hundreds of friends. Call me old fashioned but I like face to face, eye to eye or even voice to voice contact. I have a deep desire to know and be known beyond the computer screen.

I have come to the conclusion that I think I hate Facebook and I will just have to use my time to make more phone calls and coffee dates.