At That Age

I am sure this happens for every woman at a different age or at least most of us women. The day where you actually need to put make up on to look and feel alive. I remember my mom talking about this when I was growing up and I had absolutely no idea what she meant.

I also remember for my 14^th birthday that my mom gave me a really nice Mary Kay compact of makeup. I knew she probably meant it as a special ‘welcome to womanhood’ present. But it was lost on me. I just didn’t have a whole lot of interest. I wore the basics but that’s it. Thankfully, my mom also taught me that natural beauty is the best so to always try to make it look like you don’t have any make up on. But that confused me too, why even put it on then?

I have girlfriends that love make up and are fascinated with it and they look like perfectly painted porcelain dolls. I just would never have the patience for that. I like it nice and simple. In fact, my cleaning regime can only have 3 steps or I just can’t handle it. Quick and easy is my motto in life.

In the past year, I have started experiencing the dark puffy circles under my eyes and have very much needed to start using some special crème and under eye make-up. I also found out that they make this stuff you can apply before your make up to keep it on longer and it actually works!

When I get up and look in the mirror, it kind of scares me. Is that really me? It doesn’t look like me! I love what I heard Cindy Crawford say years ago on an interview. “I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”. Well, that’s reassuring. I have a whole new appreciation and understanding for that statement now.

It’s inevitable that the days you put on make- up to leave the house, you see no one you know. But the days you run out real fast to the grocery store or Target without a dab of make- up on, you run into people that you rarely ever see! They probably think to themselves, ‘Boy has she let herself go’! No, it just takes a little more time and effort to look good these days.

For a few women out there, they are make -up free and will remain that way their whole lives. I salute you and your liberation from it all. But for me, I mimic my mom in saying, “I just don’t feel or look alive until I put my face on”.

I guess, I am at that age.

Reframe, Retrain and Renew

I can make my husband sound amazing to you. I can list all of his best qualities, sweetest attributes and greatest characteristics. It would probably make a lot of women jealous and you might think, ‘I wish my husband did that or said that or was that way’. But then I can turn right around and tell you the negative things about my husband and I can make him sound awful. I can confide his bad habits, weaknesses and faults. And a lot of women might think, ‘Thank God I am not married to him, I don’t know how she deals with that or I am so glad my husband isn’t that way’. But you know what? He can turn around and do the same exact thing in regards to me.

This is also true for my own opinion of my husband at home. When I focus on all the positive things about him, I think, ‘I am so glad I married him’. I am warm towards him and he responds with warmth back to me. But when I focus on the negative stuff about him, I think, ‘Why was it again that I married him?’ and I treat him accordingly to my feelings and he wonders what is wrong with me!

Now, let me share something sweet and annoying about my husband all at the same time. He is very positive. He gives people a lot of grace and offers them the benefit of the doubt which can irritate this realist that he is married to. But I tell you what, it is great to be married to him because I can have a bad day and he just chalks it up to, she must not be having a good day.

He always thinks the best of me and says the best about me which causes me to bring forth my best. I want to do the same for him.

I want to learn how to reframe my thinking. Whenever I see a negative, I want to thank God for the flip side of that negative to make it a positive. So, I can constantly be thinking the best about my husband. For instance, if I get upset that he is working late again and missed a family dinner. I can stop right there and re- train my brain to think, ‘Thank you God that I have a husband who is a hard worker and thank you God that he provides for our family’. Or if he doesn’t want to order dessert or drinks when we are out to eat, instead of getting upset about it, I can think, “Thank you God that I will not consume as many calories while dining out.” Or how about “Thank you God for the ability to even go out to eat at all”!

Isn’t this exactly what the Bible is talking about in Philippians 4:8?

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.”

And in Romans 12:2

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

Please God, help me to reframe my thoughts, re-train my brain and renew my mind about my husband so I am constantly thinking the best about him

Serve God

I have expressed in previous blogs that my heart’s desire my whole life has been to do ministry. All I have ever wanted to do since I was young was to serve God with all my heart. I would love to adopt a lot of kids and host a bunch of foster kids through my home and write books and travel on the speaker network to encourage women to seek God every day for their homes, families and lives.

At this point, I would just love to be able to help in the ministry for the RNC coming to town in Tampa, be a women’s small group leader at church, be on the speaker team at church and be a leader in the married’s small group with my husband. But we don't have any extra time in our packed full schedule with small children right now for any of that. I have big dreams and aspirations to be used by God in large ways to reach a huge amount of people for Him. I want to have an influence in this world for the kingdom of Heaven and to make a mark on history.

But you know what I spend most of my days doing? Dishes, meal preparation, grocery shopping, cleaning toilets, getting on my hands and knees to clean messes off the floor after every meal time, laundry, wiping bottoms and noses, washing hands and feet. Not glamorous.

But neither was the ministry of Jesus. Isn’t that almost exactly what Jesus spent His days doing? Serving the poor, needy, sick and destitute. In fact, His public ministry was only 3 years long and He was the Son of God!

“Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes Me welcomes the One who sent Me. For he who is least among you all- he is the greatest.” Luke 9:48

I am doing the work of God every day in my home. I am serving my kids and my husband just like Jesus would. I am making a difference for this next generation. I am influencing my kids all the time. Whether that is serving them with an attitude of joy or resentment. They will know Jesus by my love through my actions.

The other day, I sat my 3 and a half yr. old daughter down in a chair and I was seated on the ground wiping the bottom of her dirty feet with a wet wipe. I told her to say “Thank you Mom, for washing my feet.” She responded with, “ Thank you Mom for washing my feet just like Jesus washed those people’s feet.”

This is the greatest and biggest ministry of my lifetime. My home is where I can put into practice my spiritual act of worship.

This is my calling and this is how I will serve God all the days of my life.

Gone are the Days of Laying Out

Trying to get a tan has taken on a whole new meaning as a mom. I have never been so white in my whole stinkin’ life! I remember being pregnant with my first child during the summer months and I would sport my bikini with pride and lay out on the floatation devices in our pool. I was on bed rest for 3 months so I thought relaxing in the water definitely fit into those restrictions.

That’s the last time I truly laid out in the past 4 years. Wait, except for my annual trip away with my husband alone and the annual ladies church retreat at the beach, so it does happen twice a year now.

Then my 2^nd child was born in the beginning of the summer so I didn’t feel like I could take a newborn out in the sun by myself while I chased an almost two year old around. Plus I was tired and summer in Florida is brutal. You are either drenched with sweat or rain, not fun especially with hauling two kids in and out of the car. Besides, you try to get everything done outside by about 10:30 am in the morning or  the humidity will suffocate you.

Also, in Florida we have these nifty screens that are built to go over your pool to keep all of the bugs, insects and other creepy crawly animals out and yes, there is always a story every year of how an alligator found his way from a neighborhood pond into one of our backyard pools or garage or front door step or just walking down the street. But anyways, the new screens have built in SPF to keep the sun out as well. It is great for the kids but bad for trying to get a tan while swimming with your kids.

Some of my more adventurous friends will go to the beach by themselves with two kids. That will not  be me until my youngest is at least 3 yrs. old. Way to stressful and way too much to carry.

 I do feel strong enough to venture out with both kids to the zoo, spray parks and regular parks. But there is no laying out. It’s more like running around in the sun while you try to catch some balanced rays on your body. But most likely, one side will get it and the other won’t or the top side will get it and not the bottom side. There is no tanning oil and reading materials while I sip on a tasty cold drink and maybe catch a few zzz’s. Oh no, It is all about sun screen, juice boxes, snacks, swim diapers, water shoes, and potty trips.

And forget about the cute bikinis. They might fall off or show my c-section scar so I guess its either a one piece swimming suit or tank tops and shorts. You know what that means, tan lines and a white stomach. Remember in college when the popular bumper sticker was, ‘Happiness is no tan lines’. What do they know anyways?

I will settle for tan lines if that means I have a tan! Maybe this year that will happen and then again, maybe not. Maybe I will have to wait until my kids are old enough to play in the water by themselves with no real threat or danger.

But for now, gone are the days of laying out.

Vacation

My husband and I try to get away just the two of us for a few days every year. His company used to take us on all expensed paid vacations and put us up at the Ritz Carlton in a different tropical paradise once a year but that was before the recession and before kids. There is no place like the Ritz.

Seriously, like we really needed a vacation before kids. What did we do with our time anyways when we were home? Anything we wanted to do, that’s what!

Now it’s a whole different ball game. It takes a lot of planning and preparing to go out of town. First, you have to take care of the kids and get them all situated and then you can worry about packing for yourselves. Which usually happens at the last minute and I usually forget some basic necessities like pajamas. Well, maybe that is not so much of a problem.

My husband and I just got to go away for our 6^th anniversary. It seems like our wedding was just a year or two ago. Then we watch our video and we look like kids except I think it’s having the kids that has aged us!

Anyways, I digress. Our time away was amazing. I mean, we slept in, ate in bed, laid out at the pool. We got to work out and play tennis together. We had maid service who cleaned up after us. We got to read and I got to blog. We watched movies, we did not prepare any meals. There was some serious rest, relaxation and romance going on. It’s scary to think how much I could have slept with those black out curtains and no children calling my name. We just go and go and go and don’t realize how tired we are until we stop and then our bodies respond by completely letting down.

Um, why don’t we do this more often? Money, kids, time, responsibilities, jobs. Oh ya, all of that. It’s called life and that’s why we need a vacation in the first place.

It is wonderful to come home to see those precious little faces that seemed to change in the few days we were gone, hear their voices scream mommy, feel their little arms around my neck and snuggle their bodies against my own. A renewed and fresh outlook on how blessed I am to be a mommy and be the one to care for my kids day in and day out.

Someday, our kids will grow up and move out. And it will just be the two of us again. That day will come sooner than we think. And we will have a lot more time to do all the things we want to do. Somehow, I think that we might actually miss all of this blessed chaos.

But for now, we will look forward to our annual trip alone together. Ahhhhh, vacation.

No Big Deal

With the first child, everything seems to be a major deal whether that is their first word or first step or first anything. It is monumental. Which goes the same for any little problems that might arise with sleeping or eating or physical developments especially with newborns. Poor little ones, they have so much pressure on them from us parents who want them so badly to be perfectly healthy and on pace with what the normal charts say.

We went through about a year or more where my oldest child just didn’t eat much. She liked crackers, bread and fruit, that’s all. But she was gaining weight and growing just fine. Good thing for her, I had her baby brother to care for at the time so I was just happy when she ate something.

I had some really good advice given to me from a mentor mom and she said to never label your children. She had a picky eater but she never called her that, she would just say, “That child knows what she likes and wants”. Thankfully, I followed this advice and you know what? My daughter grew out of her picky stage. Does she eat everything I put on her plate? No. But she eats a lot more balanced and healthy now.

I have to wonder if it is in part because I did not make a big deal out of it at the time. In fact, I tried the same approach when she went through her “I want to wear a dress everyday” phase and “I want 2 pony tails in my hair everyday”. I just went along with it and didn’t fight it. Some hills are just not worth dying on and these definitely qualify under that category. She outgrew those phases quickly.

I intend to use this approach for the rest of my parenting days. Even if we go through things later like “Mom, I want blue hair” or “Mom, I want to shave my head.” Come on peoples, hair grows back! Obviously, there will be limits and rules while they are under our roof. But how much of our kids antics are just trying to express their independence of us, yes even at age 2! And once they get to do that, it just becomes not a big deal anymore. Like not playing the sports we want them to play or taking those music lessons we want them to take.

I want to raise my children to be separate from me one day, to launch them out into society as strong, capable and wise young people. And how much of that can be cultivated just by letting them express their own uniqueness different and apart from me all while under the covering and protection of my own home.

How many less battles would go on in our homes even if they decide to paint their nails lime green or want to only wear a camouflage hat for a year.

As long it is nothing permanently damaging, maybe it’s really no big deal.

A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart

This is a lesson we can learn from Madame Blueberry on Veggie Tales. She is so blue because she wants new things like her neighbors and friends have. The associates of the new Stuff Mart come to tell her that she can get happiness by buying lots more stuff. As she loads up several carts, they ask her if she wants to see the toaster ovens and…  

She answers, “I don’t think I need one”.

They say,” Of course you don’t need any of this, but you want it”. 

She has a revelation, “I want what that little boy and little girl have with one ball and one piece of pie and that is a happy heart”.

The associate responds, “Oh, we don’t sell those here”.

 When she takes all of her new stuff home and it is too much, her house cannot contain it and it falls off the tree and crashes into pieces. This is a cartoon people! But one with a powerful message even for us as adults. And then they sing a catchy tune at the end of the show of how a thankful heart is a happy heart.

How much of the consumption of our wants actually steal away our true happiness? Thankfulness for our needs provides everything our heart could ever want. Contentment with what we have is the key to unlock our happiness.

“Godliness plus contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6

We usually don’t know what we have until we don’t have it anymore. I don’t want to be guilty of ungratefulness so God has to start taking things away to get my heart right. Things like health, family, food, shelter, friends, church, vehicles, beds, and many more blessings. As I write this, I realize some readers might not have all of these right now in their lives. Isn’t it when something is taken away, it heightens our ability to see what really matters. When we don’t have everything, we can appreciate the beauty of what we do have.

I don’t want to teach my kids how to live in this consumer driven lifestyle and allow a bunch of stuff to be a substitute of real happiness. I feel like taking away everything we own and starting over. Giving it to people who really need it. And learning to appreciate all the plenty we have filling our homes to overflowing. In fact, the fuller my closet gets of my beloved clothes, the more discontent grows inside of me.

The truth is my wants and needs blur together and often times, I have a hard time telling them apart. I have all I need and not everyone even has that. When I witness the homeless and needy in my own community, I am sickened with the greediness that threatens to rule my life. I am very close to getting rid of everything. I am rethinking the entire way we do life at this point. At what point is enough so that my house doesn’t fall down and crash?

God, please show my how I can teach my kids that a thankful heart is a happy heart.