Why Do I love Jesus?

I was going to write a devotion on Praising God thru Unanswered Prayers. But then I spent some time on my face before the Lord and it changed into Why do I love Jesus?

I like to quote scripture such as Psalms 37:4. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

And I have been praying thru some deep desires of my heart this past year and a half in some major areas of my life. Some I have openly shared and some I have kept between me and God. None have come to be yet. I have fasted, prayed, claimed scripture, given God glory ahead of time and given testimony about the answers coming but they still go unfulfilled.

I was in the Christian bookstore when I overheard a video playing and the man on it said, my family was tragically taken from me so I am left with the question, will I still love God? Will I love Him for no reason, for nothing?

That question has haunted the back of my thoughts for weeks. Will I love God even if He does not give me the desires of my heart? And then it goes deeper than that, why do I love God? Just for what He does for me or for what He gives to me?

As I sit here on this Good Friday afternoon, my spirit is grieved and overwhelmed with the depravity of man. This day has turned into Oh Good, I have Friday off. Nothing is different about today, people and us Christians alike go about our fun day off as if it does not matter what Christ did for us 2000 years ago. The man of whom our entire world’s history timeline is based upon is barely mentioned on TV, the news or even Facebook. The only man who walked this earth, was brutally killed and then raised Himself from the dead is easily forgotten in the midst of dying Easter eggs.

We go about our Easter Egg Hunts, our golf games, our dinners out and our special family movie night like it is any other holiday on the calendar. My family included. I think we can get too caught up in our freedom in Christ and a fear of legalism or being an extremist. For goodness sake, if Easter week cannot be a holy and solemn time, than what can be? The death and resurrection of Christ is the very crux that our faith is based upon. Come on Peoples! Can I hear an Amen?

I want to be broken and undone. I need a fresh revelation of the kind of love that kept Him on the cross, I don’t understand it. I am frustrated with my own detachment from the blood that was shed in my place. I want to spend the day in a holy place worshipping this God that loves me and perhaps catching just a glimpse of His unconditional patience and goodness towards me despite my shallow humanity. But most of our Christian churches don’t even have a Good Friday Service for us to take an hour out of this day to stop and reflect on what Christ has done for us.

I ask Him, “How God? How do you love me? How do you love these people who don’t acknowledge You or what You did? Or even worse, the people who spit in Your face and called you a Liar and a Heretic?  And what about the people today who mock You and say You don’t exist?”

His answer to me was this, “I see past all their rebellious actions and careless words and I see the deep hole in their heart, the need in their life that I can only fill.”  Oh Lord, let me love like you. I am a sinner in need of a Savior.

My heart is almost callous to the message of the Cross. I have heard the story so many times, it almost has no effect on my ears. I wish I was there that terrible day. I pray for a very personal encounter with the Person who died for me.

Now If I had a close family member that was murdered, the date of that horrific day would be forever etched in my memory and would never pass without a proper acknowledgment. I would do something to honor the deceased one, to reflect on their life, how they affected others and what it meant to me. I would probably spend the whole week remembering them. Why is Easter Week not the same?

What if I had someone I really love like my Dad or my Husband that were put in a position to give their life in exchange for mine? And they unselfishly chose to lay down their life to the point of death to make sure I could go on living? I would be a changed woman from the depths of my soul. I would not be able to stop thinking about them and what they did for me. Nothing would ever be the same. Every thought and action would be consumed with how can I show them my gratitude and love for what they did for me? My whole meaning of existing from that point on would be a life well lived with purpose. A life lived for someone else.

In light of this, the desires of my heart can go unanswered for all I am concerned.

For the answer to my question is quite blatantly obvious. Why do I love Jesus? I love Him because He first loved me and gave His life for me. (1 John 14:19 and 3:16)

Oh Lord, let me never be the same.