Bringing My "A" Game

Moms juggle a lot. Especially, when it comes to our family schedules. Whether you have newborns or school age children, it can look like carefully coordinated color coded game pieces on a calendar.

The way we can multi task is a wonder that leaves many a man’s head in complete awe and disbelief when he stops to notice. The balls we keep in the air hanging in perfect balance is really a true trick of the trade to be mastered. Never mind, the times they all come crashing down at once without us catching even one of them.

When I hear my mom friends talk about all they fit in their day, I always think, “You are one amazing woman”. It is true. God made us absolutely incredible.

There are good days and there are bad days, there are easy days and there are hard days, there are fun days and there are terrible days. There are the days we are on top of it all, ahead of the game and there are days we are under it all and behind the ball.

I have found that for me, my day goes much smoother when I get up before the kids get up. This can be a challenge as  I try to fit my shower time, husband time, wrap up chore time, and pleasure reading or TV watching time in all before my bed time. Not to mention, this all has to be done within a short window after the kids go to bed.

I consider myself to be pretty good at putting together an effective schedule that works for our family. I love structure and I thrive on it. But it took a suggestion from one of my mentor moms who said, “Why don’t you put the kids down for their naps earlier?” Therefore, I can put them to bed earlier, have a little more time with hubby, and get to bed earlier so I can get up earlier. Brilliance, I tell you.  Why hadn’t I thought of this before? I immediately tweaked our schedule by about 30-60 minutes all the way around our day and voila, we hit a homerun out of the park.

It still takes some discipline and maneuvering around.  And the hardest part? Making myself go to bed instead of blogging or reading or watching TV.  I am not a night owl nor do I believe in ever getting up at such an ungodly hour of 5 am something in the morning. I highly value my sleep.

But when I get up 30-60 minutes before anyone else in the house and I have my cup of coffee or hot tea (depending on what kick I am on), read my Bible, have a talk with Jesus, get dressed and put my make-up on. It makes a world of difference in how my day goes from that time on. I am not stressed or racing around or snapping at my kids to hurry up. I actually can enjoy the morning with my family. There is something calm and almost holy about the wee hours of the morning. There is a serene beauty to behold as the sun rises over the horizon. It just sets my whole mind and being at peace.

This doesn’t happen every single morning but when I do, I know I am bringing my “A” game to the day.

Where There is A Mom, There Is A Mission

Every mom probably has something different that they feel passionate about. Some lesson to be passed down to the next generation. Some way they want to impact their children to contribute to make a better society. Something they think might be a dying practice in our day and age. Maybe it is an appreciation for history or art, or the gift of hospitality, or how to care for the elderly or the homeless, or the knowledge of different cultures, or how to garden, cook and sew, or the importance of making healthy eating choices or how to use proper manners and etiquette. The great thing about mothering alongside other moms is that we can all glean and pick up valuable lessons from each other. One of my missions is to teach my children the value of rest and sleep in this busy rat race we live in but that is for a different blog. We probably have a few missions motivating our mothering. 

The mission I want to share about today is to teach my kids the importance of alone and quiet time. Away from all the hustle and bustle and how to turn off the technology that is vying for our attention 24/7. This is probably because I myself am an introvert and get energized from my time away from people and all the clamoring noise that goes along with being connected or plugged in through technology.

We have limited TV time and very little to no computer game time a day, we even monitor our music time. We spend the majority of our day with none of that on. I also taught my kids to have alone time in their beds after they wake up in the morning and at naptime. I started that when they were babies. My oldest has pretty much stopped taking naps so she has alone play time in her room for an hour and then in the play room for an hour while my son sleeps (I hear this depends on the personality of your child). But it allows me my much needed mommy time each afternoon. Eventually I want to teach them how to read and pray during their own alone times with God and I have already built this time allotment into their schedule for it. It is a wonderful gift to give our kids in teaching them how to create space and margins in their life.

In the car, we don’t watch movies but we do listen to music. I want to provide my kids the opportunity to learn how to look out the window and think and imagine and daydream. We also do not use any kind of DVD players, phones or Ipad devices while at restaurants or other places. I want my kids to know how to be able to sit at a table and act appropriately and have eye contact and conversations with real live people. (Not that they do any of this right now!) And we try to not watch TV during any meal times at home as well. Yes, this can make my husband and my life more difficult at times. It is not easy or convenient. But it is a good habit that will be in place for later. We have to live with the end goal in mind.

I don’t want to cease and desist all technology ever but I do want to allow time for my kids to be ok with none of that, to not depend on it, to not be attached or addicted to it. I want them to create their own stories and dramas and games and heroes and villians. I want them to read books that you actually hold and turn the pages and feel.  I want them to live in the tangible world instead of cyberspace. I don’t want to handicap my children but help them develop adequate skills that will last a lifetime.

I went on a date the other week with my husband and there were two families having dinner together, adults at one table and kids at another. Instead of laughing and joking and horsing around, the 4 kids who looked to be about 9-11 years old were all holding some sort of device in their hands lost in no man’s land. I know I am going to be swimming upstream and climbing an uphill battle as my kids get older. But a mother can hope and try.

For where there is a mom, there is a mission.

Clothes Addict

For some girls it is shoes, for others it is purses or maybe it is make up or jewelry. You could say I am a bit of a clothes junkie. Clothes is my love language if that is possible. I speak fluently in, with and around clothes. It has always been this way. My parents had to put me on a clothes budget in the fourth grade. And I believe it was $20 a month! As a little girl, I used to dream about outfits (and still do today on occasion). That is all I ever wanted for birthdays or Christmas. In fact, my Dad used to sometimes take me shopping on our Daughter/Daddy dates and I thought he was the best Dad in the world. Way to go Dad!

My mom says I come alive when I shop! There is nothing that gets my blood pumping more than shopping for new clothes. But my mom is the queen of bargain shopping. She is always bragging on how much she didn’t pay for an item whenever she gets a compliment on it. “Oh, you like this? I got it for only $8.99!” She remembers every single price she has ever paid.

 I think I have mastered ‘shopping in advance’ for my daughter. I wait until the very end of the season which in Florida, there is really only 2 seasons but I shop for all four seasons even it is a short sleeve shirt with a pumpkin on it for the fall time and then I get her the next year’s size at a rock bottom price.

I struck gold again this past January at the end of the month. I just love getting an adorable, good quality item from a retailer like Gymboree that is on mark down plus I use my 25%, 30% or sometimes even 50% off coupons on top of the sale. My rule of thumb is it has to be around $10 per item and there is nothing that makes my heart want to leap out of my body for joy more than when I get it for under $5 apiece. Especially considering they all used to be $30-$40 a pop or sometimes more which is just insanity! I think I have Melissa completely stocked for next “winter”.

My poor son. I will walk in a store with the whole goal of finding him clothes that he actually needs and walk out of the store with clothes that my daughter does not need but will look ridiculously cute in. Plus, I don’t know exactly what size he will be in next year due to his current growth rate. But I am confident I will get it down in time.

Now, if I could do so great for myself on the ‘shopping in advance’ part although, hopefully it’s not the ‘buying in the next size up’ part. The problem with being a mom is I buy most of my clothes at Target when I am there anyways and I buy on a need to need basis or a want to want basis depending on what point of view you are looking at it with. I have somewhere to go, therefore I buy something to wear for it. Need or want? My husband says I have a problem discerning the difference. You decide for yourself and judge me accordingly. Please do it with grace I hope.

Occasionally, I will venture to the mall without kids and accidentally hit the end of season sale and I walk out with my head held high like I have accomplished greatness.  Since having babies, I tell myself I just don’t have the time right now to frequent places like Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshalls and the consignment shop to rummage through everything.  But now that my new year’s resolution is to be a better steward and live on a smaller budget, I just started going there again and I am so glad I did. To get a name brand dress and shoes for $20 each is worth the trip and extra energy expended to find that bargain.

To justify myself before the jury of moms out there reading this, I do give away my clothes 2-3 times a year. I love to get rid of the old to make some more room for the new. When I was younger, I gave them to my little cousins. Now, I give them to my sister –in- law’s and another cousin. Don’t you wish you were related to me?

Patience, time and organization. That’s what it takes to find a great wardrobe at a fraction of the price. At this point in my life, I don’t always have those at my luxury but I do always love a great deal. Unfortunately, my husband does not share my same enthusiasm in this department. When I show him my awesome purchases, he says “But did you need that great deal”? or better yet, “You know all of those great deals add up”!

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Hi, my name is Misty and I am a clothes addict.

Opportunity Knocks Again

This could also be titled “My Plate is Only this Big Part 11” or perhaps “Practice what I Preach”.

I have always had a heart to do ministry since I was very young. This is all I ever wanted to do. Hence, the reason I went to Bible College. When I was in high school, my dream was to be a wife, a mom and in ministry. That simple. Guess what? I am living my dream.

Now, my heart for ministry has turned specifically to moms and wives in the same season of life as me with young kids. I have a lot to say about this, as you can tell already. Because I had no idea that living my dream would be so hard!

I had pretty much emptied my plate of ministry responsibilities last semester and that is why I wrote about my 8 month season of rest in a previous blog.  In January, I started picking pieces back up again little by little. Sure, that is only a once a month commitment, I can do that no problem. Let me pile a few of those on. Sure, you want me to lead this, I would love to. Yes, I can volunteer there, that is my passion. And my life went from 0-100 mph in no time.

Until February rolled around and everything I said yes to had started and was under way for the new year. I had committed to so many things, I felt like I could not breathe. My schedule was filled morning, noon and night with everything I had to get done leaving no time to rest or play with my kids. It took me one full week to realize I was in over my head.  And my family was paying the price. I was on edge. My housework was suffering. My peace and joy were gone. My physical body ached.

 I wrote down a list of all of my involvements and met with one of my mentors about it. I had to take some stuff off my plate. As much as I hated to back out, there was really no option around it. One of things in particular that I am giving up is a life- long desire of mine. But it is not my time, not my season. It will have to wait. My ministry will always first be to my husband and my kids. Everything else is secondary. I need to make sure I can offer them the best of me. For some of my friends, it has meant saying No to a dream job opportunity or giving up a current career for right now.

When I told my husband all of the groups that I had committed to and the ones that I could no longer be a part of, he looked at me and said, “Melissa, Aaron and I are your group. We are your small group.” True that!

Ladies, we need to always remember that the time to raise our kids is now and this opportunity is only going to come once.  We only have one shot to do it right. We cannot put them on hold. We only have one marriage so we might as well put the time in to make it a good one. To quote one of my mentor’s, “We can pay now or pay later”. We have to say No to some of the good things so we can say Yes to the very best things. And those best things are our husbands and kids.

Those other opportunities will knock again.

Things I Will Miss

I often spend time thinking about what it will be like when my kids are old enough to dress themselves, feed themselves, buckle themselves, bathe themselves and read to themselves. Basically, until they don’t need me every 5 minutes to do something for them.

But then there are those moments each day that I just stop and smile, with a deep sense of contentment. When my kids do something or say something that makes my heart bubble over with joy. And I think to myself, these are the things I don’t ever want to go away.

They are things like:

The way my kids shout praise songs to God in the backseat of the car
The way they sing and dance without any inhibition
The way they giggle uncontrollably together
The way they get so excited to see a big tractor or school bus on the street
The way they want to cuddle with me or reach for me when they are hurt
The way they scream with delight at the mention of the word Cookie
The way they are content to just stay home with me all day long
The way they chase after bubbles in the wind
The way they laugh when I tickle them
The way their faces light up when I play chase or hide n’ seek with them
The way their eyes glimmer gazing at Christmas lights
The way they clap for themselves when they learn something new
The way their little feet pitter patter down my hallway
The way they love the simple things
The way they smile so easily
The way every day is a new adventure to them

Maybe I should spend more of my time enjoying these simple pleasures of life because all too soon they will be gone. Maybe I should stop thinking about the future and start living now to fully embrace all the things I will miss.

Eyes that Dance with Delight

The definition of delight is a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy.

There is no one who delights in our kids like we do as parents. Ok, maybe some doting grandparents who think our kids can do wrong. Or maybe even some close aunts and uncles.

There are those moments that my husband and I will lock eyes and smile as our child says something for the first time or learns something new or does something cute or funny and our hearts burst with pride until the next moment when they are hitting each other with plastic golf clubs over the head. But we share in great delight over our kids. We study every detail of their physical body and obsess over their well- being in every aspect imaginable. We adore almost everything about them besides the temper tantrums, back talking and defiant disobedience. We love to make them smile and we are the happiest when they are enjoying any little thing. Our kid’s provide us times of pure pleasure that fill our soul up like nothing else does.

That is exactly how God feels about us and that is the way God feels about our spouse. The same way our husband’s parents feel about him. They all delight in our husband just like we delight in our kids.

Now, take let’s take that thought a step further.  In the very distant future, my kids are most likely going to get married one day. And you know what I really want and pray for more than anything else? That their spouse will delight in them the way my husband and I delight in them. And treat them accordingly.

I have the opportunity to show my kids on a daily basis right now what being delighted in looks like. I can choose to delight in my husband. Everything about him. All the funny quirks, all the personality traits, all the reasons I married him in the first place. We do this well when we are dating but then life gets in the way and we get too tired to do it anymore.

I want to delight in my husband for who he is not for what he can do for me. Not for what he can give me. But just because he is a son of God and a son of a mother and father who delight in every little thing about him just like I do with my kids. He deserves that and his parent’s deserve for him to be married to someone who delights in him. Just like I want my kid’s spouses to delight in everything about them.

You know when someone delights in you. They look at you different, they smile different, they talk different, they treat you differently. Even kids can tell.

When I am looking at my husband with delight and adoration in my eyes, he looks back at me in the same way. Delight breeds delight.

 “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

 Dear Lord, help me to see my husband through your eyes, eyes that dance with delight.

Love is a Choice

One of my friends called to tell me her husband is thinking about walking out on their family. He told her he loved her but he did not “feel the in love feelings” for her anymore. Although he says she has been a great mother and wife, he said he “is just not in it”. He admits to his selfish thoughts and actions and he is damn right about that.

As Valentines Day is approaching, it got me thinking as to what Love really is. 1 Corinthians 13 gives us a great description.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

In other words, love is un-selfish. None of that has to do with any kinds of feelings. It focuses on what we can do for others. Love is a verb to quote an old DC Talk song. Most of you probably have never heard of them but they were the cool Christian music when I was in high school. Toby Mac came out of that band if you know him. Ok, enough about that.

That is the problem with our Hollywood idea of romance. Our culture tells us that if we don’t feel in love anymore, than get out and fall in love with someone else. The falling in love part is the easy, fun part. I am sorry, but what in life is easy and fun and lasting? Not saying that I want to be in a marriage with no feelings. And not saying that there are not reasons or circumstances to get out of an abusive or adulterous marriage. But anything in life that is going to be successful is going to take some hard work, dedication and not giving in to selfish desires.

When I focus on what my husband is not doing for me and what expectation he is not fulfilling for me, than I am miserable. But when I focus on how I can support and encourage my husband and how I can be a better partner to him, than I am fulfilled in his happiness with me as his wife. Feelings are fickle and I can’t trust them. In fact, my feelings should follow my actions and my thoughts not the other way around. The more I practice loving my husband, the more I feel love for him.

I can verbalize my needs and wants to him but he can’t hear me very well if I am being a witch with a capital B! He responds best to me when I am kind and loving and thoughtful. Hmmmm, beginning to sound a little like 1 Corinthians was right.

Well, God should know because He is love. He created us to love and to be loved. He did not create us to fall in love over and over and over again. His point in having us have a monogamous long life partner was to learn about what real love is, beyond and beneath all the “feelings” of love. The more I unselfishly love my husband, the more he loves me in return and the more he loves me regardless of his feelings, the more I love him. The God ordained cycle of true love. Not the world’s ideology of happily ever after.

A major component is what we put into our minds. If we are reading romance novels and watching romance movies and comparing our husbands to a made up character on TV who has his lines scripted for him, than our marriages our going to suffer the unrealistic expectations of Hollywood. But if we are filling our minds with what the Bible says about love by reading things that support God’s view of love, than we can view our marriage correctly. The Bible itself mentions love over 500 times and there are great resources out there like Kyria’s Marriage Partner which is an online devotional that offer us encouragement and hope in how to practically have a life- long romance despite our fluctuating feelings.

We were created to go through life with our partner just like our wedding vows say.  Through better and worse, through hard times and good times, through trials and mountain tops, through having babies and losing babies, through rich times and poor times, through sickness and health. It assumes that we will have all these times throughout our lifetime whether we feel like it or not. Until death do us part. Not until we want to feel the “in love” feelings again.

Doesn’t it warm your heart when you hear stories about an older couple where the man stood by his wife through cancer and nursed her to health and saw her to other side? We can have a marriage like that too full of giving and receiving true love. 

Because it is not a feeling, love is a choice.

A Heart Full of Singing Helps the Scripture Go Down

There is quite a bit of singing that goes on in this house. This is not because I am a wonderful singer but because my kids love to sing. Hey, God doesn’t say it has to sound good but He does say we are suppose to “make a joyful noise unto the Lord”. We sing in the car, we sing in the bathtub, we have dance parties( I will explain later) almost daily, we sing at bedtime and in between those times.

Sometimes I think of scenes from old musicals like the Sound of Music or Mary Poppins as my kids prance around the house singing. People often comment that my kids seem so happy and I wonder if this plays a part. It is hard to not be happy when you are singing all the time! We do not just sing any old songs, we sing a lot of Bible songs filled with the truth found in scripture. In fact, they are the same songs I used to sing when I was little because the Bible never changes and kids always love fun songs. Singing is a great way to plant those seeds of God’s love in their little hearts and minds.

The Bible says in Psalms 119:9 and 11; (italics added)

“How can a young man (or woman) keep his (or her) way pure? By living according to Your word…I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You.”

We have a little collection of kids CD’s and some of their favorites come from Veggie Tales Sunday School Songs and Bible Action Songs or the Cedarmont Kids collection is great too. You can find those at the local Christian bookstore or online at Amazon. We also have a couple of kid’s hymnal CD's that my daughter listens to every night as she goes to sleep. You can even find Sunday School CD’s at Wal-mart and Target as well. If the little kid voices bother you, you can always just use your own favorite Christian CD’s or worship CD’s.

This week we bought the new Bldg. 429 CD and I crank it up with my windows down to hear my daughter scream at the top of her lungs, “Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong!” and my son pumps his fist and tries to sing along. They are copying me, of course, who is also screaming and air pumping my fist, we are quite a sight to see on the road! Be warned drivers in Tampa.

So, about the dance party that goes on here in our living room. We stumbled upon this great tradition out of pure boredom during an actually cold winter in Florida a couple of years ago. We put on a kids worship DVD and busted a move. We have videotaped endless hours of this because it is great bust-a-gut material for years to come. My son is hilarious as he tries to march, my daughter twirls in her tutu’s, I clap and holler like an idiot and my husband never turns down an offer to join in the fun thanks to the movie Courageous! But you know what? We are all having a good time praising the Lord! For 0-2 year olds I would highly recommend the Praise Baby Collection and the Baby Faith videos. We have since moved on up to Shout Praises Kids by Integrity Kids and Hillsong’s Live Worship for Kids. But you can use fun adult CD’s too like Toby Mac’s Funky Jesus Music.

There is nothing that makes my heart smile more than when I hear Melissa singing things like ‘God’s word is a lamp onto my feet and a light onto my path’ or ‘The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me’ or ‘This is the day, I will rejoice and be glad in it’ or ‘Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me’. She probably has around 100 songs memorized, all filled with God’s truth etched on her soul for the rest of her life. I can’t imagine what joy this must bring to God as He tells us to “have faith like a child”.

And who says we can’t modify a lesson we learned from Mary Poppins many moons ago?

 Because a heart full of singing helps the Scripture go down.

Seasons of Life

We have our college days and then our first career years. Then our newly -wed years, and baby years, toddler years and school age years, middle school, high school, and empty nest years, grandparents, and retirement years or vise-versa. The seasons of our lives change on a consistent basis.

Right now I am in the toddler days which is a little easier than the baby years. The glorious toddler season.  When they are so precious and adorable you just want to eat them up and never let them grow up. Also known as the pulling your hair out, into everything, temper tantrum throwing, mess making, behavior training days that you are on countdown until kindergarten begins. Ahhh, life, isn’t wonderful? So beautiful and overwhelming all at the same time.

My kid’s baby years were probably the busiest time of my life. Right up there next to it would be the season my husband changed companies and opened a brand new office, we closed on the house we were building and got married and moved in all in a 3 month period. Don’t recommend it.  3 of the top 5 stressors in life all happened at the same time. We figured if we made it through that, we can make it through anything.

Anyways, back to the baby stuff. During those two years, I was leading a moms group at our church all while learning how to be a mom to tiny babies. My kids are 20 months apart so there was lots of nights with little sleep, another challenging pregnancy, another c-section, nursing never ending, all while working during naptimes and night times to get my stuff done for the mom’s group not to mention the daily housework .  Talk about being exhausted while trying to figure out how to still be an attentive, giving wife to my devoted husband. You know all about that. Poor guy’s, don’t stand a chance next to a newborn. Trial and error. Grace and mercy. That’s all I have to say.

After my two years of leading the mom’s group was done, I slept. I mean I slept a lot. My husband and I went away for a few days and I slept half the time. Good thing it was when he was in his business meetings. I continued to sleep for a couple of months. I went to bed early to get my long 9 hours at night and then I took a short nap during the day. Someone asked me if I was pregnant. Nope. Thank God He knows what we can handle.

Slowly, my strength returned to me. By the time my son was 18 months old, I finally felt like me again. I noticed my stamina returned and my ability to think more clearly and my desire to do more family activities. My husband said to me, ‘It’s good to have you back’.

At the end of January marked 8 months of what I call my season of rest. And I am so grateful for it.

As February begins, I sense the winds of change blowing again. Whatever it brings, it will be a different season of life.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1