Marriage

Hooray For Date Nights!

The early baby years can feel like a tag team with your spouse. Trading turns to watch the kids while the other one tries to get something else done. The first 6 months of both our babies lives, my husband and I felt like we hardly saw each other.

It took us until our first daughter was almost a year old to figure out date nights. What a great discovery. A night when it was just the two of us, being served a dinner where no one had to cook, get up from the table several times, have baby food spilled on them and then clean up the kitchen afterwards. We could look each other in the eyes and talk about things other than baby stuff. We could hold each other instead of holding a child and just enjoy each other’s presence. We could talk and dream about our future together.

After baby #2 was born, we quickly resumed date nights when he was just over 3 months old. We missed them badly. Our connection night.  Away from the house and the stressors of everyday life. Plus it was football season and we have season tickets every year to my husband’s alumni team. Which is what we used to do before we were married.

We look forward to our date nights and average about a few of them a month. It helps us remember why we got married and who we are as a couple without the kids. We like that. One day it will be just us again. We need to put forth the effort now so that when that day comes, we are not staring at a stranger in our own homes and wondering what the heck happened to us?

We are changing and evolving all the time, it is important to stay up to date with each other’s thoughts and feelings about things. Like a pulse check on the relationship to make sure it stays alive and kicking.

It is easy for us to fall into a comfortable marriage where after the kids go to bed, we both go do our own things because we are too tired to really exert any more energy for someone else at the end of the day. And it’s not a bad or hard marriage, maybe even an easy one.

Whatever we put into our marriage now is what we will get out of it in 25 years from now. I want a thriving marriage full of love and still dreaming about the future together.

And it doesn’t matter to me that I am the one to usually to set up the date nights. I don’t want to waste time on being resentful (ok, most of the time, let me be honest here) because we both enjoy our date nights so much. I look at it as a win, win for everyone involved. Including our kids, who love to see their mommy and daddy happy together. I also make sure to instruct the sitter how to clean up and put the kids to bed before we come home so we can continue our date night!

We have to cultivate and nurture the relationship just like anything else in our lives that we want to grow. And if you don’t have relatives to watch your kids and can’t afford a sitter, try swapping a couple of nights a month with friends. Hey 2 date nights are better than none! And it doesn’t have to be expensive either. Go for coffee or ice cream, drive to the beach and watch the sunset or have a picnic. Or drop your kids off at a family member or friend’s house and go back home to enjoy the house all to yourselves!

Just give it a shot, if not for anything else but for the sake of your kids. So they will have parents who want to stay married when they go away to college!

My husband and I say, Hooray for Date Nights!



A Perfect Blend

Although my husband and I share similarities on some of the more important issues in life, we are exact opposites by nature.

He is slow, I am fast, about everything. He is a saver and I am a spender. He is usually running late and I like to be on time. He is gentle, I am not. He is business driven, I am ministry minded. He is a little messy and I am a bit of a neat freak  (although I have had to give up much of that with kids).  He is an extrovert, I am an introvert. He beats around the bush, I am straight forward. He can handle a lot going on at one time and I cannot. He is not emotional, I am. I could go on but I think you get the picture.

These all produce opportunities to drive each other crazy. Often times, I wonder how we even work as a couple. Why did God decide to put us together?

And then I have to remember all that we have in common. We have the same faith, belief, morals and views on things like on how to raise our kids which is huge. We also like football, reading, and working out! Which is also nice. We even enjoy similar tastes in music. We prefer to spend our weekends relaxing together the same way. The people in the sales office when we built our house told us we were the easiest couple they have ever worked with in terms of picking things out and making decisions. We have never had an argument over furniture, cars, houses, or decorations. We have the same tastes which is great.

My husband says we are like a puzzle piece and God made us to fit together perfectly. He is strong where I am weak and vice versa. We can help each other and challenge each other to grow. We also offer our children different areas of expertise to allow them to be more well balanced.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was married to someone just like me and as nice as that sounds, it might get a little predictable and boring.  With my husband, there is always something new to discover or work on or to appreciate so we can operate together more effectively.  

I guess it is how I choose to look at it. Do I focus on all of our opposites or do I focus on all the things we have in common?

Just like a great cup of coffee, we are a perfect blend. Although he hates coffee and I don’t.