The Perfect Mom

I often compare myself to other moms. I know I have my strong points but I wonder if the lacking in my weak areas will negatively affect my kids for the rest of their lives. I am good at planning and organizing, structure and schedules, teaching biblical principles, scripture memory and efficient in getting all my house work done.  But I am not good at creativity, art projects, innovative cooking and snacks, playing for long extended amounts of time and the list goes on.

I just pray their “art projects” at church, bible study and other programs will be sufficient enough for their creative side to be stimulated. I don’t like play-doh, paint and pretending to be a princess. I give them a crayon and paper and say, “Draw me an animal.” Isn’t that good enough?

Is it really possible to be good at everything? I don’t want to limit my kids or stifle their growth in any way. Maybe that’s what the mom network is for, to do life together. If anyone wants their kids to learn bible verses and bible stories, bring them over to my house. Or if you want help with a schedule, give me a call. And if anyone wants to invite us over to do some spiffy art project, let’s do it! Or if you want to send me some great and easy recipes, please do!

The older I get, the less I know. But I know one thing for sure. God made me specifically for my kids. He designed my kids with me in mind. Somehow, He will sovereignly make up for all my weaknesses to allow my kids to turn out as well rounded as possible.

 I was created to be the Perfect Mom for my kids.

Stay At Home Mom

This does not actually mean we stay in our houses all day, every day. We leave to go to the park, grocery store, gym, play dates, church, gymnastics class, swimming lessons, moms morning out, the mall, Target, etc.

But it does mean that our home is our place of employment, our job, our work, our office. And there are no high heels, nice clothes, or make up required. There are no awards, accolades, or achievements recognized. There are no salaries, bonuses, sick days or paid vacations.

There are a lot of diapers, poop, throw up, snotty noses, boo-boo’s and band aids. There is whining, crying, arguing, fighting, and back talking. There is little sleep or rest or time off.

When I go out to business functions with my husband and people ask me what I do, I respond with stay at home Mom. Sometimes, I can physically feel their respect for me plummet. They just give me that glazed over look with their eyes like they are placating me speaking for the moment in their presence.

Our society is backwards. We pay our athletes and actors an exorbitant amount of money that could literally feed whole nations for the rest of their lives. Let’s face it, they could end world poverty. And we pay our teachers and school coaches and pastors just enough to be above the poverty level. What the heck is wrong with this picture?

And then when you tell someone you are a stay at home mom, your status on the current monetary value system is ranked at the bottom next to a big fat zero.

We use money to deem how vital someone is in the role they play in this world. So, because some moms choose to forego a paycheck and not pursue their own dreams and decide to stay at home and raise children, some people might view that woman as not being intelligent or capable of achieving much success.

And yet we are shaping the future generation of this world. We are raising the next leaders and contributors to society. We are saying that our children are more important than any amount of money or achievements anyone else could give us. We are teaching young hearts how to care, we are modeling to young eyes how to act, we are molding young minds how to think. We are giving everything we have and all that we will ever be to someone else. To see them succeed. To send them out in society knowing they are loved, important and have much to offer to this world.

The cost of being a stay at home mom cannot be calculated with money. In fact, nothing of real value or eternal value can be weighed in dollars or gold.

Jesus gave His life away to pay a ransom for us. And people thought He was foolish.

“Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”  John 12:24-25

Being a stay at home mom has a thousand deaths a day to die to myself. People might think I am foolish. But my choice of career will produce lives that will reap eternal rewards.

Next time someone asks me what I do, I will hold my head high and proudly announce, I am a stay at home Mom.

Outside My Four Walls

As a stay at home mom of toddlers, I am inside my house quite a bit. It is always shocking to me, when I do leave the house occasionally during the afternoon or evening hours, how much life is going on out there. I forget that I am in a very confined season where naptimes and bedtimes keep us indoors a lot  of the day. It can seem like the walls are closing in on me sometimes. In fact, if my walls could talk they would tell you there are times I feel lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, out of the loop, tired and bored of the mundane schedule.

For my sanity sake, it is important to connect with others throughout my day. It’s always nice to hear that other moms feel exactly the way I do sometimes. It is also good to know about  the challenges other moms are facing. And to stay in touch with what is going on in our neighborhood, church, and town.

When I am inside my four walls, I can get very self- focused, self-absorbed, and consumed with my own little life. When I get out into society, I hear stories that put my life in check and perspective. Moms going through major trials like divorce, lost jobs, sickness, accidents, disabilities, lost loved ones, and more.

It’s important that I go to moms groups and church and the gym and play groups so I can interact with others. As a new mom, you quickly learn that you need a support group as a life line to keep your head above water and survive in your new world and role as mommy. Isolation will kill you.

Being in community gives us opportunities to help other moms by either being a listening ear, or praying for someone or dropping off a dinner or planning a much needed girl’s night out. It makes me get out of my little box and comfort zone and focus on how I can bless others. It also serves as a good example to my kids in how to think about others rather than just ourselves.

It is essential to build community for when we are going through trials ourselves. So, you have a network to fall back on. Because let’s face it, we are all either going through a trial, getting out of one or ready to go into another one!

Lord, help me to get outside of my four walls as much as possible.

Life and Death, Blessings and Cursings

I don’t know about you but sometimes I have found the Old Testament of the Bible to be more difficult to read than the New Testament. Sometimes it does not seem to be as interesting or applicable to our lives today. But that would be far from the truth. The Old Testament is actually filled with stories about real people like you and me who had feelings, emotions, relationships and hardships. If we take the time to dig a little deeper than the surface and stop to reflect on what is going on between the lines, it is like finding nuggets of gold hidden in the black and white printed words. We might feel like they were people who were heroes and had faith beyond our reach but that would be incorrect. They are ordinary people who were called by God to do extraordinary things. They were murderers, adulterers, cowards, liars, and thieves. But God still used them. And we can learn a lot from their lives.

Sometimes we think following God is too confusing or complicated. But it’s not. This is one of my favorite passages found in the Old Testament.

“ …Obey the Lord your God and keep His commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.

See I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers…”   Deuteronomy 30:10-20

Any questions? It is pretty clear, pretty cut and dry. Some people might ask, ‘So even though this is found in the Old Testament, does it still apply to my life today’? Oh yes my friend it does. I will not go into a deep theological explanation or an expository teaching of the New Testament on the matter today.

If you want to read more about God’s specific blessings on your life for obedience or His curses on your life for disobedience, you can find that in Deuteronomy 28. And if you want to read more about receiving prosperity in your life after turning to the Lord, you can find that in Deuteronomy 30:1-10.

It is interesting stuff and totally applies to our lives today. The choice is simple and it is ours for the choosing.

 Life and Death, Blessings and Curses.

Easier To Live With

As I get older, I see how people are evolving as they age above me or beside me.  Some do it with grace, poise and laughter. Some do it with a sense of entitlement, resentment and bitterness. Some people I just feel sorry for as I see their own demise unfolding at their own choices in life. Family and friends are distancing themselves further and further away from them.

And then I watch as some practice keeping their mouth closed, practicing self -denial and self- discipline, giving up their own wishes and living to serve others. Everyone wants to be around them, ask for their advice and know their secrets.

I can be high maintenance at times. I can be picky and difficult. I like to drink out of a cup with ice and a straw, I like to only stay in certain hotels, I like my house to be perfect when company comes over, I like to have my tea with 2 tablespoons of honey and my coffee with a lot of creamer. I am very particular about how to pack, travel and stay elsewhere with kids. I like to pre plan all the details. I like to abide to a strict schedule when it comes to sleeping and eating times. I tell myself this is all ok right now because it makes my family operate more efficiently.

But what about when it comes to things down the road like my kid’s choice of style or hobbies, or the college they choose or the mate they marry and the wedding of their desire. Then one day I will be staying in their homes and traveling to see them and hopefully playing with their kids.

I don’t want people to think I am too difficult and opinionated to have around. I guess I better start working on that stuff now. I can practice letting other’s have their way. I can choose to go with the flow better. I can try to just enjoy the ride instead of planning every moment ahead of time.

I want my friends and family members to want me around as I get older.

God, help me to become easier and easier to live with.

Understanding Love

For some Moms, they are head over heels in love for their teeny tiny babies the moment they pop them out and take their first breath. For some Moms, it happens the first week when they open their eyes long enough to gaze into their mother’s heart. For some, it happens the first month after all the traumatic experience of birthing the bundle is over and done with. And then there are Moms like me. It took me months to feel bonded to my little precious sunshines. And I didn’t even have postpartum depression! I mean I knew I loved them in my head and my 2^nd one happened quicker for me than my first. But I am talking about that overwhelming sense of wanting to give my life for these kids. Knowing I would die in their place. Knowing my heart couldn’t live without them. Knowing I get to experience unexplainable joy watching them grow.

Thankfully, I had read in some book somewhere that it takes each mother a different amount of time to bond with their new babies. So, I didn’t freak out about it. And nobody could probably tell by observing me with my babies. I think my husband bonded quicker than I did! He held our baby girl fresh out of the womb all covered in that white stuff and announced, “I am a changed man!” He is not an emotional person so this was a big statement for him. He then continued to tell all of his friends and family members that upon his first conversations with them after her birth.

I, on the other hand, could hardly keep my eyes open due to all the drugs from an emergency c-section. I am surprised I could nurse but by husband and mother held her up to me and that child latched the first time and never had a problem. I just wondered how I was going to continue nursing when I got home and did not have four extra hands to help me. Oh, the funny thoughts of first time parenting. They are so ridiculous but so real at the time.

Although I hate the no sleep, no showers, and no extra time because of the relentless feedings, laundry, poop, throw up and messes to attend too. Those new born days are full of such sweet memories for both of my babies. There is just nothing in life that compares to it. There is a short time of pure euphoria when everything seems brighter, kinder and more alive than ever before. When the whole world stops and nothing else matters except for your little family unit. Where it doesn’t matter what wars, floods, and hurricanes are going on. All that matters is the love that is shared between a woman, man and child. A new Mom, Dad and Baby make a family and it is such a beautiful thing to behold.

The Lord is always giving us a picture and glimpse into His love for us in so many ways. But the love between a parent and child is the utmost, highest and most pure form of love we can find here on earth. The Heavenly Father God gave us His Son, Jesus Christ, to be tortured and die in our place. It is hard to comprehend that kind of love. I would not give my son up for anyone or anything in this world.  And I also would not hesitate to throw myself in front of a speeding bus to save my child. Now that I have children, I can better grasp the expense of the blood that was shed for me.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to understand Your love for me better by allowing me to experience my own love for my children.

How Would Jesus Age?

Ok, so my skin has majorly changed. I think it is probably the biggest tell tell way to know someone is getting older. I mean there is age spots, sun spots, loose spots, flabby spots, saggy spots, dark spots, sunken in spots, wrinkled spots, and stretch marks. This is what they mean by gravity!!! I work out and try to eat right most of the time and there is no more baby weight to lose but still, I am highly disappointed. My stomach will never be the same, my boobs look like shriveled up raisins and the back of my arms above my bra area is not ever going to be tight again. I won’t even get started on my sagging, flat butt and the wrinkles in my forehead. The most surprising to me, is all the fine lines in my lips and around my lips. What the heck???

I realize all of these things can be fixed with surgery. But seriously, that would be way too many surgeries for my taste. What’s next? I am sure they will probably start doing plastic surgery around your knee caps and elbows because that skin gets saggy too you know.

Never before have I realized how plastic the Hollywood Stars look. Literally, they look like Barbie and they move like Barbie too if you know what I mean. They must get a surgery with their lips and cheeks plastered into a permanent smile. Oh ya, I forgot about the teeth. They get those whitened too. And their eyelids are really actually pinned up. I just can’t imagine letting a knife go into my face by choice. And I wonder what we will find out about the long term effects of botulism shot up into our bloodstream continually. (Not saying that I have not contemplated trying some of these things in the future.)

What ever happened to aging with grace? Why do we worship youth? Why aren’t we more happy, satisfied and content as we grow older? Hmmmm. I do not know. Just thought I would ask. But I do have a hypothesis.

Maybe it is our whole way of life. If we were consumed with finding our next meal and having a roof over our heads, my guess is we wouldn’t be so worried about the way in which we age. We have too much. Too much time, too much money, too much Hollywood, too much food, too many clothes, too much of everything.

We have everything we need and yet we are ungrateful, sitting around complaining about our aging skin. What is wrong with us? Is it going to take a war, famine or Jesus coming back to change our ways?

Instead of pondering what the heck happened to my skin, I am going to try to use my time, energy and resources to put my faith into action and get off my flat booty and go serve someone else who needs the basic necessities of life like food, water, shelter and clothing. Maybe if I was preoccupied with the eternal instead of the external than I would not have time for all the things that really don’t matter.

That is my personal opinion in how Jesus would probably age.

How long will it take?

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  Genesis 2:24

In perfect harmony and unity. But how long exactly does this take after you get married? How many months or years does it take to really feel like you are one? To put aside your former lives and families and become one unit.

My husband and I come from opposite sides of the United States of America. It’s a mystery and wonder to me how God brought us together across 3000 miles. God answered our prayers that we had prayed for each other for many years before we ever met. I feel like the Heavens opened up and the Angels sang ‘Hallelulia’ as we said our vows in front of 200 people. It was a beautiful day of celebration.

We have similar families and upbringings and share a common faith which is all very helpful. We were in our late 20’s when we got married and there was a lot of separate living we had done before.  We were getting a little set in our ways and had to learn real quick the meaning of compromise.

We had to keep reaching agreements and mutual understandings as we dug our way through the tunnels of oneness. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for couples who are from different countries or different decades in their age difference.

There is a lot of communication, unselfishness and commitment to make a successful union happen. We had many midnight conversations about the same things over and over again. Many times, we felt like we were speaking different  languages. Was it ever going to get easier?

Lots of prayer, tears and hard work were invested. It is a challenge for our flesh to become one with another flesh. Seriously, the painful tearing and ripping away of the old and the plowing and planting for the new life together is very time consuming . It seems so exciting before the marriage actually begins but then it becomes so tedious and exhausting once the marriage is under way.

Something happened for us around our 4^th year.  Something clicked and the tides changed and we started making a lot of upward progress. So much so that by our 5^th year, it was in full swing. The buds were blossoming and spring had come to our relationship. We felt knit together in our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies. Now we just celebrated 6 years and things are getting better than ever. I feel like we are starting to understand the inner depths of each other like no one else ever will get the opportunity too.

 But that is only because we are both committed to continuing this journey no matter what mountains we have to climb. Come hell or high water, we are in this together.

There is no better feeling than being one with your spouse but no one can ever tell you how long it will take.

Stop Judging

Women in general are so guilty of this sin. I guess we are born with this in us and we will live our whole lives trying to overcome it. But as moms, we even become more engrossed in this innate nature. It’s like the beast comes out bigger and uglier than ever before. We judge each other for the differences in which we choose to raise our kids from the start. Whether it is attachment parenting, cloth diapering, nursing, letting a baby cry it out or organic eating. Then it turns into things like preschool, home schooling, over- night sleep overs, birthday parties, fast food and TV watching. (That’s all I know so far, I only have a three and a half year old!) I am sure there are many more matters to come on which we can find to judge each other on.

As one mom to another, why do we do this to each other? We are all trying to do the best for our kids with the resources we have available. We are all trying to make intelligent and intuitive decisions for our families and our households.  We do not live in a one size shoe fits all society.  We have different needs and desires, different strengths and weaknesses, different methods and ideas. We have different preferences in how we spend our money, where we go and how we spend our time. We have different family dynamics and that affects most all of our decisions.

More than anything, we need each other. We can learn so much from one another. Why don’t we just appreciate each other’s differences and live in peace! No, instead we get our tail feathers all in a tether and start going around squawking to other mother hens about all that one peacock is doing wrong. That gets us stuck in the muck of gossip. The thick mud of talking bad about others behind their backs and it’s hard to venture out of it once our feet step into it.

At this point in life, my personal philosophy is to steer clear of those who are talking about others and sharing other people’s personal information. Because I know my head will be next on the chopping block once I am out of ear shot. Some things never change from high school.

Take for instance, this blog. Someone could read it and get all offended and go talk smack about me. I realize that is a risk I take. But if they knew the motive and intent of my heart, someone might think twice. I don’t want to judge anyone who parents differently than me. I share my own experiences, opinions, thoughts and insights simply because it is My Blog. That does not mean that anyone who differs from me is wrong. I do not view myself as perfect or my ways as the only way to do things.

Let’s dig deeper to the core of this issue. Isn’t it true that some of our offenses or judgments actually stem from a sense of insecurity within ourselves? Feeling like we don’t measure up or don’t quite make it up to the successful status on the mom-o-meter we make up in our own heads. But if we are secure enough in our own skin and in our own choices for our kids, then we don’t have to feel threatened even if someone comes up to our face to tell us we are wrong. That is their problem and their opinion.

I think about the people I enjoy being around the most.  I like to choose friends who are full of grace and wisdom. I like to know that I am safe around them. I like to be confident that my name is treated with respect when I am not around instead of drug through the mud. I like to know they are not bashing me, my husband, and my child rearing skills behind my back. I like to learn from them and feel like I have something to offer them as well. I like to be challenged to grow in my faith, belief and ways of thinking.

It would be nice if everyone in the world would think exactly the way we do and share our exact same philosophy on life but obviously God did not make it this way. And my guess is, He probably has a pretty good reason for that.

Just maybe one of those reasons is to help us to learn how to stop judging each other!

Kindness

When I do my 3 yr old daughter’s hair in the morning, she sits on the counter in the bathroom and looks into the mirror. I tell her how beautiful she is and how beautiful her hair is. This is because she has a lot more hair than I ever had even at 5 or 6 years old! But then I ask her, “What is the prettiest thing about you?” and her learned response is, “Jesus in my heart.”

Now let’s rewind to when I first got married. I was an eager wife trying to please her new husband. I would ask him what is the one thing he desired out of me and he would answer, “Kindness”. Well, I just thought this was absurd so I tried a lot of other things. Being sexy, cooking good meals, cleaning the house, buying him presents, etc. Which he liked all those things but when I would ask him again what is the one thing he wanted out of me more than anything else, he would respond, “Kindness”.

It took me a few years to believe him. And then it took me another couple of years to figure out exactly what that meant and how to go about doing it. It’s hardest to be kind to the people you live with day in and day out. To use manners and prefer one another over each other even when you are tired. My husband is good about this. He says excuse me in the kitchen when he needs to get past me instead of bumping me out of his way. He asks if I would like to have the last piece of pizza in the box. My guess is, he was raised like this and had a good example at home. Thank you to my mother and father in law for modeling this at home.

But more than that, my husband desires kindness from my heart and words. He wants me to talk to him with sweet words and a kind tone. He wants me to express that my heart’s desire is to see him succeed and encourage him to do so in every area of life with faith, work, home and health. When I am acting and speaking from a kind heart towards him, he looks at me and smiles. It makes me irrisistably beautiful and attractive to him. He also wants to hear me speak kindly about others and treat other’s with kindness. This makes him very proud to call me his wife.

But how can we muster up some more kindess in our lives? Jesus in my heart. It is one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5 that we need to grow in if we are in a relationship with Christ. It is what marks a life different than another. By our words and actions we will be known. It might take me a lifetime to work on but I want kindness to be what my family thinks of when they think of me.

“What is desired in a (wo)man is kindness.” Proverbs 19:22a

Not Mine

I remember having lengthy discussions with my girlfriends while I was pregnant about what kind of parenting style I was going to subscribe to and put into practice. Some ideologies have been shot to you know where but surprisingly, I still think the same way about my goals with my children.

I realize they are going to be different than me. They are going to have different likes and dislikes, different opinions and thoughts than me, they are going to have different gifts and abilities, they are going to have different life long dreams and desires than me.

Although I want them to look to me for guidance and direction during their early formative years, I want to raise them to be separate and independent of me, perfectly capable of making their own good choices on their own accord. I want to prepare myself that they might not always make the choices I want them to. And I don’t want to try to control or manipulate them to just appease me and my will for them.

I want to be able to practice tough love even if that means the hard stuff like letting them make their own mistakes while I have to stand by and let them face the natural consequences life brings them. Unfortunately, that’s how our human nature has to learn a lot of the time.

I don’t want to shield them from heartache, disappointment, difficult people, unfairness, criticism and failure. I want them to learn how to deal with these real life situations all while under our wings of love, comfort and encouragement.

I will always be their biggest cheerleader but I also want to be well equipped in being able to help challenge them in their weaknesses and help them to grow in the areas that need it.

I want to create a relationship with them where they come back home for support and wisdom. I want to put myself in a position where I am the first person they run back to for a hug and word of approval. This does not mean I want to be their friend and not their parent. I will always have 30 more years of life experience on my side and that probably means I will have to keep my mouth shut until they ask my advice which might take 30 years of life experience for them!

From the time they take their first steps, they start walking away from us. The letting go process begins. I want to wean myself away from them with each year that passes so that by the time they are 18, they are well ready to be launched out into the world apart from me. They will probably still need some distant words of guidance through college but they are legal adults and responsible for their own decisions and life.

My prayer is that my kids will grow up to love the Lord their God with all their heart, serve Him with all their mind, and honor Him with all their might. But this is between them and God, it is not my choice.

My ultimate goal is to raise kids that are well adjusted, capable and wise who are a productive part of society and apply themselves towards their own goals, not mine.

Friends

This was my all-time favorite show during Bible College Days. We would have a “Friends” Watching Party every Thursday night with all of my room- mates and our guy friends. There were 4 of us girls and 3 guys. We thought we were like the cast of “Friends”.  We would even watch reruns twice a day as well. Pretty pathetic I know but it provided many laughs and inside jokes amongst us. We were having so much fun together but then two of the guys in our possy got in a huge fight and it ruined everything. In fact, things never went back to being the same again. We were all sad and grieved our way over it.

That seems to happen a lot in life. We have a list of ex-friends aka “frenemies” that we part ways with over one thing or another.  Some friends we just have for a season until one of us moves away. Personally, I have grieved the loss of a few friends in my life.   I had a really hard time letting them go whether it was due to my decision or theirs. Looking back, I can really see God’s hand in all of it. I believe He decided to take some of those friends out of my life for a reason. Some of them were not beneficial to my personal growth or to the health of my marriage.

I have also learned to listen to my husband’s insights on girlfriends. He is a very good judge of character and sure enough, the ones he warned me about are the ones I am not friends with anymore.

The perception might be that I have a lot of friends because I know a lot of people specifically at church. But this would be a falsehood. I am very selective about who I let into my inner circle especially as a mom and wife. It’s funny how your friends change based on your children’s ages. I have different criteria now. They have to be like minded in the ways of the Lord, have good council, a healthy perspective on life in general, known for their character and that their word means something, not be a gossip, hypocrite or husband basher.

This does not mean they have to be exactly like me .In fact, true friendship means you are free to have different opinions, views and ways of doing things. We can learn a lot from each other and appreciate our differences. My best friend from back home and I always laugh at ourselves. We are so different! She wears things I would never be caught dead in and visa versa! She posted on facebook not long ago this fabric that she is obsessed with doing her living room in. I told her that I thought it was the ugliest thing I have ever seen! We had a good laugh about it.

With good friends, you can work through hard stuff even though there might be ebbs and flows to the relationship. A true friendship stands the test of time and is honest even though it might sting a little. They challenge us to grow in the areas that we are lacking and are patient in helping us with things that are their strengths. I am thankful for the ones I have in my life like that, they are such a blessing.

“He who walks with the wise will grow wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20

We need to be careful of the friends we choose because our reputation will be known by the people we associate with. It is true for kids and adults the same.

Unfortunately, I have been bitten in the butt for sharing too much personal information and I have paid a price. I can never get those words back. The older I get, the wiser I get. For instance, like this blog. I would love to share with candor all of my weaknesses, failures, shortcomings and flaws. All of my deepest heartaches, sorrows, trials and tribulations. But that would not be wise to put out there for anyone and everyone who does not know me to read.  That kind of stuff I will save for the select few that I can trust who have my best interest at heart.

I wish life could be like a TV show, full of funny jokes and all of our problems solved in a half hour but reality is not like that. 

In our lifetime, there will be a few precious things to collect along our journey and friends would be one of them.

Pet Peeves

When we first got married, I had a list of them my husband did. Some people talk about either the toothpaste or toilet paper or toilet seat driving them nuts. Mine were the paper trails left all over my neat and tidy home, the dirty laundry being left on the floor right by the hamper, the doors being left unlocked at night time and the shutters either being shut or open during the wrong part of the day. Of course, I do absolutely nothing in return to drive him batty!

I spent years nagging my husband about these things. Although, when he did occasionally have to go out of town for business, I noticed something.  I loved how clean my house would stay (before kids of course). But I missed him. I told him when he came home that I would much rather have him and the mess than not have him at all. A few days would go by and I would get irritated again about something.

Then I read a marriage book, I am not sure which one it was because I read a lot of them. It challenged the readers to let go of just one insignificant bad habit our husbands have. Just decide in our heart and mind that we are not going to allow that to bother us anymore. Start there, then after you have conquered that one, move on to something else you can let go of until you have nothing left to get under your skin about.

I tried it and it worked! Does my husband still do most of those things most of the time? Yes but I can honestly tell you that I hardly notice them anymore. Maybe it’s because I have two more little mess makers now to clean up after as well. I just don’t have the mental or emotional energy to get upset about silly little things anymore.

 I also decided that those are not things I want to focus on for the next 50 plus years that we are going to be married.  I am not going to waste my time on things that don’t matter. And you know what, we are both much happier because of it.

On a daily basis, I can choose to let go of pet peeves.

The Simple Things

Blowing bubbles, chasing butterflies, throwing bouncy balls, running through the sprinklers, eating popsicles, riding bikes, picking up sticks, flying kites . These are a few of my kids favorite things ( I can hear the song in my head right now from The Sound of Music). It doesn’t take much to make them laugh. I savor these sweet days of innocence when life is magical and everything is exciting. Chicken nuggets make my kids happy. They think it is fun to get a cookie at the grocery store, take a walk to the neighbor’s house and swing at the park. Every day is full of new fun adventures.

They think frozen grapes, fruit juice boxes and chocolate chips are a treat to be cherished. They beg my husband and I to read books to them or to take them fishing. They love all of God’s creatures, big and small, cute and creepy alike.

Their favorite people on earth are Mom and Dad with all the Grandparents running as a close runner up . They like to play chase and hide n’ seek. They prefer to snuggle on the couch while they watch a show. And all they want at the end of their day is a song and a kiss before they go to bed.

One day in the not too distant future, things will change. And it will be Disney World, Sea World, and MGM Studios that light up their faces. It will take video games, cell phones, and ipads to get their attention. And it will be friends, movie stars, and famous athletes that they adore. It depresses me just to type all of that out.

But for now, I want to enjoy every moment I can. I want to take a deep breath and let it sink into my soul. I want to drink in their laughter and take a moment to close my eyes and just be.  We can learn a lot from our children.

Life is sweet. It is usually not the big things that make the most impression on us but the small, every day things that make our life complete.  Things like a cup of coffee (or tea) while watching the sunrise, taking a bubble bath, watching my kids learn how to swim, taking a family nap, reading a great book, laughing with a girlfriend, enjoying a picnic outside, painting my daughter’s nails, tickling my son’s belly, a really good piece of chocolate and a glass of wine (or tea) while sitting outside with my husband after the kids go to bed.

Us adults can make life too complicated but let us remember that often times joy is found in the simple things.

Good Friday

Did you ever notice how it usually gets dark and gloomy on Good Friday in the afternoon and evening? Just a global reminder of who controls the weather and Whom is on His mind. The Bible says we are without excuse because the very universe speaks of the power of God. Romans 1:20.

I encourage you to stop and acknowledge what Jesus was going through today all of those years ago. He was condemned as a criminal, scourged and scorned, beaten and bleeding, ridiculed and mocked, abandoned and forsaken, denied and betrayed, metal tearing his flesh, carrying his own cross to his crucifixion, hands and feet nailed to the wood, hanging for hours naked and shamed in front of family, friends, and enemies.

When he breathed his last and gave His spirit up to His Heavenly Father, the earth shook and thunder sounded.  The darkest day our earth has seen thus far. The Son of God dead. Satan and demons revel in triumph.

Last night we searched for The Passion of The Christ but could not find it on Verizon Fios Movies or at Redbox but we finally found it on the TBN channel at 10pm to DVR. I must confess, I don’t watch it most years because it is too hard to see. Give me a freakin’ break! Too difficult to watch?! What about the fact that the Lord knew for 33 years what His final destination and purpose was leading up to that appointed day. He sweated blood the night before his death, praying “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done”. Luke 22: 42-44.

I want to allow myself to be broken and undone as I remember what Christ went through for me.

How can we rejoice in the Resurrection of Jesus without first recognizing His death and suffering? It is disturbing that our world has gotten so far away from honoring Good Friday. The Man of whom our whole timeline is based upon. 2012 AD. He died and came back to life. Who does that? No one! And yet, Good Friday is often ignored in the local newspaper, work places, schools, churches and Christian homes alike. It would be like forgetting to honor the annual anniversary of a loved one who has passed away. In fact, that is exactly what it is like except this Loved One died in the place of you and me. The Easter Bunny trumps Jesus and what did he ever do for us other than bring some candy in plastic eggs?

I urge you to do something today that you have not done before. Watch The Passion of The Christ or find a church that has an actual Good Friday service even if that is not your home church. I know all the Catholic Churches have the Stations of the Cross (the object of the Stations is to help us make a spiritual pilgrimage of prayer through meditating upon the chief scenes of Christ's sufferings and death) are open to anyone to go participate in and you can bring your children with you to experience it. Or read the account for yourself in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 or John 19.

Let us major on the Spiritual and minor on the bunnies this Easter.

May we take time today to consider what Good Friday means so we can truly celebrate that He is Risen on Sunday.

Holy Week

On Palm Sunday, I sat in church and my heart was grieved. I was weepy all day. I grimace inside at the casual way me, my family and Christians alike will barely recognize what Jesus went through over 2000 yrs ago for us. I found myself yearning for so much more. I want more than just the plastic resurrection eggs to go over at the breakfast table. I want to teach my kids that Easter is about more than pretty dresses, cute bunny decorations, egg hunts and candy.

As I ponder this week, I am afraid it will come and go just like a bleep on the radar screen. How can I teach my kids to stop and remember? And that it is ok to have a solemn attitude about the road that led our Savior to Calvary.

In the church I grew up in, Easter Sunday was a true celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord. They would have a play each year and we would watch people we knew like our Dads or our friend’s Dads playing the parts of the disciples, Jesus and the robbers on the cross next to Him. One time, they had a real donkey bring Jesus down the middle aisle with people laying Palm Branches down on the ground before Him.  But then at the end, there was this glorious entry of a beaming Christ in a shining white robe exiting the tomb as the stone rolled away by itself and the choir who were dressed like Angels sang Halleluia and Hosanna in the Highest. And it made you want to jump out of your seat and scream, “That is my God and He is alive”!

This made a lasting impression on me as a child. And I wonder how I will instill the same awe and wonder in my children’s hearts and spirits. Unfortunately, many of our Christian denominations have gotten away from the traditions leading up to Easter Sunday. The Catholic Church still honor these great practices (although, they are much more intricately involved than what I have listed below) and it is a wonderful way to spend 6 weeks of the year focusing on what Jesus did for us. So, if you are like me and didn’t grow up educated in these disciplines, come take a look and evaluate for you and your family how you want to celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ.

Consider this ‘The Basics of Easter Observance 101’. All of these definitions are taken from the good old Wikipedia on the internet.

Lent-“ is an observance in the liturgical year of many Christian denominations, lasting for a period of approximately six weeks leading up to Easter.

The traditional purpose of Lent is the penitential preparation of the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the death and resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events of the Passion of Christ on Good Friday, which then culminates in the celebration on Easter Sunday of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuries as a form of penitence. The Stations of the Cross, a devotional commemoration of Christ's carrying the Cross and of his execution, are often observed.

 Lent is traditionally described as lasting for forty days, in commemoration of the forty days which, according to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus spent fasting in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by Satan

 This event, along with its pious customs are observed by Roman Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Anglicans, as well as some Baptists and Mennonites.”

Palm Sunday-“ is a Christian moveable feast that falls on the Sunday before Easter. The feast commemorates Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem, an event mentioned in all four canonical Gospels. (Mark 11:1–11, Matthew 21:1–11, Luke 19:28–44, and John 12:12–19).

In many Christian churches, Palm Sunday is marked by the distribution of palm leaves (often tied into crosses) to the assembled worshipers.”

Holy Week-“ in Christianity is the last week of Lent and the week before Easter. It includes the religious holidays of Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday (Holy Thursday), Good Friday, and Holy Saturday.”

Holy Thursday-  “The Last Supper is the final meal that, according to Christian belief, Jesus shared with His Apostles in Jerusalem before his crucifixion. The Last Supper provides the scriptural basis for the Eucharist, also known as "communion" or "the Lord's Supper".

During the meal Jesus predicts his betrayal by one of the disciples present, and foretells that Peter will deny knowing him later that day.”

Good Friday-“ Roman Catholic Christians treat Good Friday as a fast day, which is defined as only having one full meal with, if needed, two small snacks that together do not make a full meal.

 Some churches hold a three-hour mediation from midday, the Three Hours' Agony from noon till 3 o'clock to commemorate the Passion of Christ. The Passion is the Christian theological term used for the events and suffering – physical, spiritual, and mental – of Jesus in the hours before and including his trial and execution by crucifixion

 The Church mourns for Christ's death, reveres the Cross, and marvels at his life for his obedience until death.

The Stations of the Cross are often prayed either in the church or outside. The object of the Stations is to help the faithful to make a spiritual pilgrimage of prayer, through meditating upon the chief scenes of Christ's sufferings and death.”

Easter Sunday- “Easter Sunday, which immediately follows Holy Week, is the great feast day and apogee of the Christian liturgical year: on this day the Resurrection of Jesus Christ is celebrated. Easter Sunday is the main reason why Christians keep Sunday as the primary day of religious observance.”

That, my friend, is suppose to be how Easter is done.

So, next year I am going to start with Lent. And we will look into all the devotionals and resources out there available to help us focus on the 6 weeks leading up to the glorious Resurrection Sunday.

 I want Easter to last more than a morning and I never want to forget what Jesus has done for me.

Come, Lord and show me how to live in rememberance of You this Holy Week.

Let Them Off the Hook

In light of Easter week, let’s talk about  a little something called Forgiveness. We have all heard that it is better for us to forgive than to harbor bitterness or resentment in our hearts against someone. They say it is like taking a poison pill all while hoping the other person dies. But how do we really forgive? Especially when someone has offended or hurt us deeply. Where do we even begin?

Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

God loved us and died for us before we even asked for forgiveness. How many of us would die for the one who has wronged us?  Well, you might argue, I am not God. True that.

But we can start somewhere. Just a prayer. “God, thank you for your forgiveness of my sins, please help me to forgive my debtors of their sins against me. Help me to even want to forgive them. “

We have to want to free ourselves from carrying the heavy burden of unforgiveness on our shoulders. From eating up our insides.  They say time heals all things. I would say sometimes forgiveness takes time. It’s like planting seeds and waiting for them to grow into a big, strong tree. Sure, it can be a long process but the end goal should be for our own growth and peace of mind. Unforgiveness ties us to that person. We have to come to the point where we just want to forget and move on, so it doesn’t hold us back any longer. You can tell when someone is wrapped up with bitterness, the resentment seeps out of their words and tones. Their stories drip with self-righteousness and condemnation. I have been there, done that.

The truth is, if we say God lives in us, than we actually do have all the power we need to be able to fully pardon someone else. We can only give that of which we already have within us. It is because He loved me and forgave me of my sins that I can turn around and be able to love and forgive someone else.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean we will be “Besties” with our offender. And it doesn’t mean that they are right, it just means that I am not waiting for anything from them in return and I am not sitting around slandering their name. Because let’s face it, hurt people turn around and hurt other people. There is probably a good reason they are the way they are. We can pray God’s blessing and healing into their lives. Who knows? God might even use us to show them His love! Forgiveness is powerful even if the other person never acknowledges it.

In the grand scheme of things, I really have only had to forgive the regular minor atrocity's of life like lies, gossip, jealousies, and the such but not any serious crimes or major traumatic offenses done against me. I do not even pretend to know the journey those who have to deal with forgiveness on a whole other lever have to embark upon.

All I know is that when I try to be the Judge, Punisher and Avenger for someone else, I am miserable. It drains all of the energy out of me, leaving me empty. But when I let God be God and do His job, I don’t even give those other people much space in my daily thought life. I have room in my heart to give love in a deeper way to those in my life who love me in return.

Forgiveness feels like a breath of fresh air, like someone untied the ropes restricting my heart, like a relief to my mind and peace to all my senses. Like a freedom to fly above all the offenses so they can’t hold me down.

All because I simply make the choice to let them off the hook.

               

At That Age

I am sure this happens for every woman at a different age or at least most of us women. The day where you actually need to put make up on to look and feel alive. I remember my mom talking about this when I was growing up and I had absolutely no idea what she meant.

I also remember for my 14^th birthday that my mom gave me a really nice Mary Kay compact of makeup. I knew she probably meant it as a special ‘welcome to womanhood’ present. But it was lost on me. I just didn’t have a whole lot of interest. I wore the basics but that’s it. Thankfully, my mom also taught me that natural beauty is the best so to always try to make it look like you don’t have any make up on. But that confused me too, why even put it on then?

I have girlfriends that love make up and are fascinated with it and they look like perfectly painted porcelain dolls. I just would never have the patience for that. I like it nice and simple. In fact, my cleaning regime can only have 3 steps or I just can’t handle it. Quick and easy is my motto in life.

In the past year, I have started experiencing the dark puffy circles under my eyes and have very much needed to start using some special crème and under eye make-up. I also found out that they make this stuff you can apply before your make up to keep it on longer and it actually works!

When I get up and look in the mirror, it kind of scares me. Is that really me? It doesn’t look like me! I love what I heard Cindy Crawford say years ago on an interview. “I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”. Well, that’s reassuring. I have a whole new appreciation and understanding for that statement now.

It’s inevitable that the days you put on make- up to leave the house, you see no one you know. But the days you run out real fast to the grocery store or Target without a dab of make- up on, you run into people that you rarely ever see! They probably think to themselves, ‘Boy has she let herself go’! No, it just takes a little more time and effort to look good these days.

For a few women out there, they are make -up free and will remain that way their whole lives. I salute you and your liberation from it all. But for me, I mimic my mom in saying, “I just don’t feel or look alive until I put my face on”.

I guess, I am at that age.

Reframe, Retrain and Renew

I can make my husband sound amazing to you. I can list all of his best qualities, sweetest attributes and greatest characteristics. It would probably make a lot of women jealous and you might think, ‘I wish my husband did that or said that or was that way’. But then I can turn right around and tell you the negative things about my husband and I can make him sound awful. I can confide his bad habits, weaknesses and faults. And a lot of women might think, ‘Thank God I am not married to him, I don’t know how she deals with that or I am so glad my husband isn’t that way’. But you know what? He can turn around and do the same exact thing in regards to me.

This is also true for my own opinion of my husband at home. When I focus on all the positive things about him, I think, ‘I am so glad I married him’. I am warm towards him and he responds with warmth back to me. But when I focus on the negative stuff about him, I think, ‘Why was it again that I married him?’ and I treat him accordingly to my feelings and he wonders what is wrong with me!

Now, let me share something sweet and annoying about my husband all at the same time. He is very positive. He gives people a lot of grace and offers them the benefit of the doubt which can irritate this realist that he is married to. But I tell you what, it is great to be married to him because I can have a bad day and he just chalks it up to, she must not be having a good day.

He always thinks the best of me and says the best about me which causes me to bring forth my best. I want to do the same for him.

I want to learn how to reframe my thinking. Whenever I see a negative, I want to thank God for the flip side of that negative to make it a positive. So, I can constantly be thinking the best about my husband. For instance, if I get upset that he is working late again and missed a family dinner. I can stop right there and re- train my brain to think, ‘Thank you God that I have a husband who is a hard worker and thank you God that he provides for our family’. Or if he doesn’t want to order dessert or drinks when we are out to eat, instead of getting upset about it, I can think, “Thank you God that I will not consume as many calories while dining out.” Or how about “Thank you God for the ability to even go out to eat at all”!

Isn’t this exactly what the Bible is talking about in Philippians 4:8?

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.”

And in Romans 12:2

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

Please God, help me to reframe my thoughts, re-train my brain and renew my mind about my husband so I am constantly thinking the best about him

Serve God

I have expressed in previous blogs that my heart’s desire my whole life has been to do ministry. All I have ever wanted to do since I was young was to serve God with all my heart. I would love to adopt a lot of kids and host a bunch of foster kids through my home and write books and travel on the speaker network to encourage women to seek God every day for their homes, families and lives.

At this point, I would just love to be able to help in the ministry for the RNC coming to town in Tampa, be a women’s small group leader at church, be on the speaker team at church and be a leader in the married’s small group with my husband. But we don't have any extra time in our packed full schedule with small children right now for any of that. I have big dreams and aspirations to be used by God in large ways to reach a huge amount of people for Him. I want to have an influence in this world for the kingdom of Heaven and to make a mark on history.

But you know what I spend most of my days doing? Dishes, meal preparation, grocery shopping, cleaning toilets, getting on my hands and knees to clean messes off the floor after every meal time, laundry, wiping bottoms and noses, washing hands and feet. Not glamorous.

But neither was the ministry of Jesus. Isn’t that almost exactly what Jesus spent His days doing? Serving the poor, needy, sick and destitute. In fact, His public ministry was only 3 years long and He was the Son of God!

“Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes Me welcomes the One who sent Me. For he who is least among you all- he is the greatest.” Luke 9:48

I am doing the work of God every day in my home. I am serving my kids and my husband just like Jesus would. I am making a difference for this next generation. I am influencing my kids all the time. Whether that is serving them with an attitude of joy or resentment. They will know Jesus by my love through my actions.

The other day, I sat my 3 and a half yr. old daughter down in a chair and I was seated on the ground wiping the bottom of her dirty feet with a wet wipe. I told her to say “Thank you Mom, for washing my feet.” She responded with, “ Thank you Mom for washing my feet just like Jesus washed those people’s feet.”

This is the greatest and biggest ministry of my lifetime. My home is where I can put into practice my spiritual act of worship.

This is my calling and this is how I will serve God all the days of my life.

Gone are the Days of Laying Out

Trying to get a tan has taken on a whole new meaning as a mom. I have never been so white in my whole stinkin’ life! I remember being pregnant with my first child during the summer months and I would sport my bikini with pride and lay out on the floatation devices in our pool. I was on bed rest for 3 months so I thought relaxing in the water definitely fit into those restrictions.

That’s the last time I truly laid out in the past 4 years. Wait, except for my annual trip away with my husband alone and the annual ladies church retreat at the beach, so it does happen twice a year now.

Then my 2^nd child was born in the beginning of the summer so I didn’t feel like I could take a newborn out in the sun by myself while I chased an almost two year old around. Plus I was tired and summer in Florida is brutal. You are either drenched with sweat or rain, not fun especially with hauling two kids in and out of the car. Besides, you try to get everything done outside by about 10:30 am in the morning or  the humidity will suffocate you.

Also, in Florida we have these nifty screens that are built to go over your pool to keep all of the bugs, insects and other creepy crawly animals out and yes, there is always a story every year of how an alligator found his way from a neighborhood pond into one of our backyard pools or garage or front door step or just walking down the street. But anyways, the new screens have built in SPF to keep the sun out as well. It is great for the kids but bad for trying to get a tan while swimming with your kids.

Some of my more adventurous friends will go to the beach by themselves with two kids. That will not  be me until my youngest is at least 3 yrs. old. Way to stressful and way too much to carry.

 I do feel strong enough to venture out with both kids to the zoo, spray parks and regular parks. But there is no laying out. It’s more like running around in the sun while you try to catch some balanced rays on your body. But most likely, one side will get it and the other won’t or the top side will get it and not the bottom side. There is no tanning oil and reading materials while I sip on a tasty cold drink and maybe catch a few zzz’s. Oh no, It is all about sun screen, juice boxes, snacks, swim diapers, water shoes, and potty trips.

And forget about the cute bikinis. They might fall off or show my c-section scar so I guess its either a one piece swimming suit or tank tops and shorts. You know what that means, tan lines and a white stomach. Remember in college when the popular bumper sticker was, ‘Happiness is no tan lines’. What do they know anyways?

I will settle for tan lines if that means I have a tan! Maybe this year that will happen and then again, maybe not. Maybe I will have to wait until my kids are old enough to play in the water by themselves with no real threat or danger.

But for now, gone are the days of laying out.

Vacation

My husband and I try to get away just the two of us for a few days every year. His company used to take us on all expensed paid vacations and put us up at the Ritz Carlton in a different tropical paradise once a year but that was before the recession and before kids. There is no place like the Ritz.

Seriously, like we really needed a vacation before kids. What did we do with our time anyways when we were home? Anything we wanted to do, that’s what!

Now it’s a whole different ball game. It takes a lot of planning and preparing to go out of town. First, you have to take care of the kids and get them all situated and then you can worry about packing for yourselves. Which usually happens at the last minute and I usually forget some basic necessities like pajamas. Well, maybe that is not so much of a problem.

My husband and I just got to go away for our 6^th anniversary. It seems like our wedding was just a year or two ago. Then we watch our video and we look like kids except I think it’s having the kids that has aged us!

Anyways, I digress. Our time away was amazing. I mean, we slept in, ate in bed, laid out at the pool. We got to work out and play tennis together. We had maid service who cleaned up after us. We got to read and I got to blog. We watched movies, we did not prepare any meals. There was some serious rest, relaxation and romance going on. It’s scary to think how much I could have slept with those black out curtains and no children calling my name. We just go and go and go and don’t realize how tired we are until we stop and then our bodies respond by completely letting down.

Um, why don’t we do this more often? Money, kids, time, responsibilities, jobs. Oh ya, all of that. It’s called life and that’s why we need a vacation in the first place.

It is wonderful to come home to see those precious little faces that seemed to change in the few days we were gone, hear their voices scream mommy, feel their little arms around my neck and snuggle their bodies against my own. A renewed and fresh outlook on how blessed I am to be a mommy and be the one to care for my kids day in and day out.

Someday, our kids will grow up and move out. And it will just be the two of us again. That day will come sooner than we think. And we will have a lot more time to do all the things we want to do. Somehow, I think that we might actually miss all of this blessed chaos.

But for now, we will look forward to our annual trip alone together. Ahhhhh, vacation.

No Big Deal

With the first child, everything seems to be a major deal whether that is their first word or first step or first anything. It is monumental. Which goes the same for any little problems that might arise with sleeping or eating or physical developments especially with newborns. Poor little ones, they have so much pressure on them from us parents who want them so badly to be perfectly healthy and on pace with what the normal charts say.

We went through about a year or more where my oldest child just didn’t eat much. She liked crackers, bread and fruit, that’s all. But she was gaining weight and growing just fine. Good thing for her, I had her baby brother to care for at the time so I was just happy when she ate something.

I had some really good advice given to me from a mentor mom and she said to never label your children. She had a picky eater but she never called her that, she would just say, “That child knows what she likes and wants”. Thankfully, I followed this advice and you know what? My daughter grew out of her picky stage. Does she eat everything I put on her plate? No. But she eats a lot more balanced and healthy now.

I have to wonder if it is in part because I did not make a big deal out of it at the time. In fact, I tried the same approach when she went through her “I want to wear a dress everyday” phase and “I want 2 pony tails in my hair everyday”. I just went along with it and didn’t fight it. Some hills are just not worth dying on and these definitely qualify under that category. She outgrew those phases quickly.

I intend to use this approach for the rest of my parenting days. Even if we go through things later like “Mom, I want blue hair” or “Mom, I want to shave my head.” Come on peoples, hair grows back! Obviously, there will be limits and rules while they are under our roof. But how much of our kids antics are just trying to express their independence of us, yes even at age 2! And once they get to do that, it just becomes not a big deal anymore. Like not playing the sports we want them to play or taking those music lessons we want them to take.

I want to raise my children to be separate from me one day, to launch them out into society as strong, capable and wise young people. And how much of that can be cultivated just by letting them express their own uniqueness different and apart from me all while under the covering and protection of my own home.

How many less battles would go on in our homes even if they decide to paint their nails lime green or want to only wear a camouflage hat for a year.

As long it is nothing permanently damaging, maybe it’s really no big deal.

A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart

This is a lesson we can learn from Madame Blueberry on Veggie Tales. She is so blue because she wants new things like her neighbors and friends have. The associates of the new Stuff Mart come to tell her that she can get happiness by buying lots more stuff. As she loads up several carts, they ask her if she wants to see the toaster ovens and…  

She answers, “I don’t think I need one”.

They say,” Of course you don’t need any of this, but you want it”. 

She has a revelation, “I want what that little boy and little girl have with one ball and one piece of pie and that is a happy heart”.

The associate responds, “Oh, we don’t sell those here”.

 When she takes all of her new stuff home and it is too much, her house cannot contain it and it falls off the tree and crashes into pieces. This is a cartoon people! But one with a powerful message even for us as adults. And then they sing a catchy tune at the end of the show of how a thankful heart is a happy heart.

How much of the consumption of our wants actually steal away our true happiness? Thankfulness for our needs provides everything our heart could ever want. Contentment with what we have is the key to unlock our happiness.

“Godliness plus contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6

We usually don’t know what we have until we don’t have it anymore. I don’t want to be guilty of ungratefulness so God has to start taking things away to get my heart right. Things like health, family, food, shelter, friends, church, vehicles, beds, and many more blessings. As I write this, I realize some readers might not have all of these right now in their lives. Isn’t it when something is taken away, it heightens our ability to see what really matters. When we don’t have everything, we can appreciate the beauty of what we do have.

I don’t want to teach my kids how to live in this consumer driven lifestyle and allow a bunch of stuff to be a substitute of real happiness. I feel like taking away everything we own and starting over. Giving it to people who really need it. And learning to appreciate all the plenty we have filling our homes to overflowing. In fact, the fuller my closet gets of my beloved clothes, the more discontent grows inside of me.

The truth is my wants and needs blur together and often times, I have a hard time telling them apart. I have all I need and not everyone even has that. When I witness the homeless and needy in my own community, I am sickened with the greediness that threatens to rule my life. I am very close to getting rid of everything. I am rethinking the entire way we do life at this point. At what point is enough so that my house doesn’t fall down and crash?

God, please show my how I can teach my kids that a thankful heart is a happy heart.