Not Mine

I remember having lengthy discussions with my girlfriends while I was pregnant about what kind of parenting style I was going to subscribe to and put into practice. Some ideologies have been shot to you know where but surprisingly, I still think the same way about my goals with my children.

I realize they are going to be different than me. They are going to have different likes and dislikes, different opinions and thoughts than me, they are going to have different gifts and abilities, they are going to have different life long dreams and desires than me.

Although I want them to look to me for guidance and direction during their early formative years, I want to raise them to be separate and independent of me, perfectly capable of making their own good choices on their own accord. I want to prepare myself that they might not always make the choices I want them to. And I don’t want to try to control or manipulate them to just appease me and my will for them.

I want to be able to practice tough love even if that means the hard stuff like letting them make their own mistakes while I have to stand by and let them face the natural consequences life brings them. Unfortunately, that’s how our human nature has to learn a lot of the time.

I don’t want to shield them from heartache, disappointment, difficult people, unfairness, criticism and failure. I want them to learn how to deal with these real life situations all while under our wings of love, comfort and encouragement.

I will always be their biggest cheerleader but I also want to be well equipped in being able to help challenge them in their weaknesses and help them to grow in the areas that need it.

I want to create a relationship with them where they come back home for support and wisdom. I want to put myself in a position where I am the first person they run back to for a hug and word of approval. This does not mean I want to be their friend and not their parent. I will always have 30 more years of life experience on my side and that probably means I will have to keep my mouth shut until they ask my advice which might take 30 years of life experience for them!

From the time they take their first steps, they start walking away from us. The letting go process begins. I want to wean myself away from them with each year that passes so that by the time they are 18, they are well ready to be launched out into the world apart from me. They will probably still need some distant words of guidance through college but they are legal adults and responsible for their own decisions and life.

My prayer is that my kids will grow up to love the Lord their God with all their heart, serve Him with all their mind, and honor Him with all their might. But this is between them and God, it is not my choice.

My ultimate goal is to raise kids that are well adjusted, capable and wise who are a productive part of society and apply themselves towards their own goals, not mine.