Stop Judging

Women in general are so guilty of this sin. I guess we are born with this in us and we will live our whole lives trying to overcome it. But as moms, we even become more engrossed in this innate nature. It’s like the beast comes out bigger and uglier than ever before. We judge each other for the differences in which we choose to raise our kids from the start. Whether it is attachment parenting, cloth diapering, nursing, letting a baby cry it out or organic eating. Then it turns into things like preschool, home schooling, over- night sleep overs, birthday parties, fast food and TV watching. (That’s all I know so far, I only have a three and a half year old!) I am sure there are many more matters to come on which we can find to judge each other on.

As one mom to another, why do we do this to each other? We are all trying to do the best for our kids with the resources we have available. We are all trying to make intelligent and intuitive decisions for our families and our households.  We do not live in a one size shoe fits all society.  We have different needs and desires, different strengths and weaknesses, different methods and ideas. We have different preferences in how we spend our money, where we go and how we spend our time. We have different family dynamics and that affects most all of our decisions.

More than anything, we need each other. We can learn so much from one another. Why don’t we just appreciate each other’s differences and live in peace! No, instead we get our tail feathers all in a tether and start going around squawking to other mother hens about all that one peacock is doing wrong. That gets us stuck in the muck of gossip. The thick mud of talking bad about others behind their backs and it’s hard to venture out of it once our feet step into it.

At this point in life, my personal philosophy is to steer clear of those who are talking about others and sharing other people’s personal information. Because I know my head will be next on the chopping block once I am out of ear shot. Some things never change from high school.

Take for instance, this blog. Someone could read it and get all offended and go talk smack about me. I realize that is a risk I take. But if they knew the motive and intent of my heart, someone might think twice. I don’t want to judge anyone who parents differently than me. I share my own experiences, opinions, thoughts and insights simply because it is My Blog. That does not mean that anyone who differs from me is wrong. I do not view myself as perfect or my ways as the only way to do things.

Let’s dig deeper to the core of this issue. Isn’t it true that some of our offenses or judgments actually stem from a sense of insecurity within ourselves? Feeling like we don’t measure up or don’t quite make it up to the successful status on the mom-o-meter we make up in our own heads. But if we are secure enough in our own skin and in our own choices for our kids, then we don’t have to feel threatened even if someone comes up to our face to tell us we are wrong. That is their problem and their opinion.

I think about the people I enjoy being around the most.  I like to choose friends who are full of grace and wisdom. I like to know that I am safe around them. I like to be confident that my name is treated with respect when I am not around instead of drug through the mud. I like to know they are not bashing me, my husband, and my child rearing skills behind my back. I like to learn from them and feel like I have something to offer them as well. I like to be challenged to grow in my faith, belief and ways of thinking.

It would be nice if everyone in the world would think exactly the way we do and share our exact same philosophy on life but obviously God did not make it this way. And my guess is, He probably has a pretty good reason for that.

Just maybe one of those reasons is to help us to learn how to stop judging each other!