Learn and Grow

People often ask me if I miss being the leader of the moms group at our church. There are aspects I do miss. I miss the interaction with other moms on a consistent basis. I miss feeling like I am part of a team. I miss feeling like I am doing something for God.  To be real transparent, I miss feeling important and I miss being on the inside of all the happenings at church.

But a lot of good things happened when I stepped down. I had to quickly find my identity again in Christ, not in a position or title. I got a taste of what it felt like to be on the outside. I had to reach out to create new friendships.  All of the sudden, I had time to think about what other’s might need around me. I had to learn how to use my gifting’s in other capacities.

There are a lot of things I do not miss. I don’t miss lying awake at night thinking about all I had to do the next day and hoping I didn’t forget anything. I don’t miss my every waking hour being consumed with trying to get my to- do list done. I don’t miss the last minute headaches that go on behind the scenes. I don’t miss dealing with all the red tape. I don’t miss the challenge of working with so many different personalities and I don’t miss the difficulty of time demands it put on me and my family.

Though, I wouldn’t change any of it. I loved it. I learned a lot. I grew a ton. I learned about God’s grace for others and for me. I grew in my ability to handle stressful situations. My faith in the Lord grew, my dependency on Him grew. I prayed and fasted all the time. God always came through. Women were touched, moms didn’t feel alone anymore, friendship’s were formed. It was a success.

However, I did leave with regrets. I regret being too task driven instead of people driven, I regret being nice but distant, I regret being too filled up in my own life to allow enough space for anyone else in, I regret if I made anyone feel like they were on the outside looking in. Please forgive me if that is you as a reader of this blog.

When I stopped being the leader, somehow I became a normal person again. People felt like I was approachable. I get to have real conversations. I have time to ask about people’s personal lives and get to know them on a deeper level. I like that.

Hats off to the new leaders, I understand completely.  Hats off to any leaders in a ministry or non-profit organization anywhere. It is a sacrifice that has great costs.

No, I don’t miss being the Leader of Mops anymore but I know I cannot run away from the calling God has on my life. I will be in leadership again one day, in one way or another. There is no escaping it.

 And I will learn and grow all the more.